Monday, December 31, 2007

iChat iNsanity

Lack of sleep + iChat + my weakness for lickably hot tattoos = silliness :)
ME: i forget he has a tattoo
CDS: i know, i wish i could too
CDS: i mean, yeah it's kind of cute that it's because his dad told him to always dream big
CDS: but still.
ME: i think it should have been put in a different place
ME: it might have been better
CDS: like over his chest
CDS: ooooh
ME: LOL
ME: or like on the back of his neck
CDS: um, no.
CDS: how would he see it, and remember to have big dreams?
CDS: and please, no across the throat
CDS: a tramp stamp
CDS: hahahahah
ME: oh..maybe near the crotch then
ME: LOL
CDS: ON NO YOU DIDN'T
ME: oh yes i did
CDS: wait. why would he have a tattoo that says "big dreams" near his crotch
CDS: LOLOLOLOLOLOL
CDS: omg
CDS: and why am i waving my hands around like it'll actually stop me from laughing???
Happy New Year everyone!

Sunday, December 30, 2007

The Arrival of SEM

Sidney Emanuel

There was a new addition to my little Trojan Family. At 12:20 am on December 29, 2007, a very healthy 9lbs, 7oz, 22 inch baby boy named Sidney "Cid" Emanuel was born. He is so cute! I want to kiss his little toes and then pinch them! hehehehe. No, I don't want to pinch them, maybe just a little. I don't know.

Baby Cid and his Daddy

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Santa Bay-bee

Happy Holidays everyone! I hope you all had a super-fabulous Christmas and got everything you wanted from Santa. I did, well almost..hehehehe. ;) In time, I will get it. I am very excited about the upcoming year. There is going to be so much change on so many levels with so many of the peeps in my life, oh and me too. I can feel it. It's going to be great! I've been daydreaming about it ALL day. Yup. So great!

The dreams pertaining to a specific someone, have started up again. I thought I said goodbye to those. The only thing I can think to do is just let it happen and not say any thing. It's not my place to. Not with him anyways. In other dream news, someone new made an appearance. I kinda like that.

"Super" and "great" are the words of the moment. I think the lack of sleep is making me strangely bouncy, optimistic, and more random that usual (if that's possible). Having said that, GOODNIGHT! :)

Saturday, December 22, 2007

I made you rice crispys with sprinkles!

Happy Holidays! Yep, that's right. It's already the 21st..err..I guess it's really the 22nd..hehehehe...and I've finished my x-mas shopping, made some holiday treats, and yet I am still not in that Christmas-y mood. By this time every season, I'd of had my fill of holiday music, watched "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and "White Christmas" at least a couple times each, and have paper cuts from all the wrapping paper.


*sigh* I don't think I've watched a single movie that has Christmas in it, and none of the shows I watch have a special Christmas episode. The closest thing to a Christmas Carol that I've heard is Be Your Santa Claus by Keith Sweat (okay, it was free on iTunes...umm..I should have passed..its too XXX-mas for me). Okay I exaggerate a little. I have been listening to Dean Martin - Baby it's cold outside. And damn is it cold outside!

I think part of the lacking of the whole holiday feel is that this year we don't have a tree at home. It's sitting in our living room of the Vegas house. This picture from Bella Terra will be my tree. hehehehe.


I'm currently listening to Marie Digby - Bring Me Love. That's all I want for Christmas. Hehehehe. :)

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Did you hear that?

After yet another restless and cough filled night, I decided to call Dr. B and get myself and appointment..PRONTO. I told Gloria I was wheezing and she fit me in right away. :)

I get there and have to wait. There is no one in the waiting room, and yet I am waiting. Oh well. Then the cutest little boy with a cold comes in with his mom. He's coughing and sneezing and came up to me a few times to say "hi". SO CUTE! He was running around and drops his equally cute stuffed puppy. As he bends over to pick it up, he farts. It was so cute that I could almost ignore the poopie sour milk smell it left behind.

Finally I get in to see Dr. B. We go through my symptoms. He tells me that the last time I saw him was last September with the same stuff. We go through this process EVERY year. Next year when I go see him in October, he will tell me he last saw me in December and go through the whole thing again. :) It's our thing.

He goes to take my blood pressure on my left arm. He sees my USC ring and we strike up a conversation about USC. His son goes there, he's a freshman majoring in Architecture. He's thinking of switching to Engineering. I miss USC. I fell in love with that campus the moment I step foot on it during my senior year of high school. I probably bleed cardinal and gold.

I left there with new allergy medicine, a nasal spray, a refill of my inhaler, a steroid, an antibiotic, and a cough medicine with codeine....

Monday, December 17, 2007

to the left, to the left

I've been feeling blah since last Tuesday. At first I thought it was the traveling between So. Cali to No. Cali for a freakin 2 hour long meeting that really didn't do anything but support my boss's theory that I am kind of an idiot. Well she hasn't actually said she thinks this, but I can tell by the way she looks at me that she thinks it, or maybe that's just how her face is? Anyways...

It started with the body aches and sore throat. Then came the stuffy nose, the wheezing, the sneezing, and the coughing. Then the phlegm. Who knew it could be..so..colorful...and...thick... The sneezing and coughing is driving me nuts. I've lost two bras to this: 1) Saturday - the left strap broke after a coughing fit, 2) Tonight - the wire supporting my left boob snapped in half after a huge ass sneezing fit. Yes, whenever this happens its always the left side, because after all, its the slightly bigger of the two. (Is that TMI?)

Luckily, all the times that this has happened I have been home. Well..except for that one time on the way to Vegas the seat belt was crushing me. When I went to adjust it, it got caught and the wire somehow snapped. Rusty didn't notice, thank goodness, but I did every time it poked me. That was the longest car ride ever.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

To my friends...



"I Will Be Here" cover by Jeremy "Passion" Manongdo. I randomly came across this dude on youtube..I heart youtube. So good. Me like.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Corina-isms

Words are great, the ability to mix them up and change them around is even better. You can convey so much more with a single modified word than with a whole sentence. I think this is why I loved the musical "Wicked"...it was Oz-tastic...hello! "de-greenify"?! It's like I wrote the script, really. =)

There are definitely words, phrases, expressions, etc. that I use often. Here are some, but I'm sure there are MANY more:
  • "blahfriend" or "fauxfriend" - On the verge of being a boyfriend, but falling short of that status. It often looks like a romantic relationship on the outside, but in reality it was never defined.
  • "booty-eyes" - The palest green I've ever seen, the color of your eyes...
  • "Bruined" - something that has been ruined because of its affiliation with a cross-town rival.
  • "crackberry" - I did not make this one up, but I understand it VERY well.
  • "day-th" - Plans with someone of the opposite sex that is not a date. It usually occurs during the day...like lunch.
  • "derustify" - The act of going out, having fun, meeting people, in order to get yourself back into the dating "game".
  • "fobulous" - Fabulously fob of course!
  • "get all 'Emily' about it" - Refusing someone from talking to someone else because they have a history (Think Ross, Rachel, and Emily from Friends).
  • "getting fresh" - Granted I did not make this phrase up, but I have been using it a lot lately. I wish it were on better terms, but no.
  • "ham-tastic" - a delicious dish that has pork, bacon, or ham in it.
  • "happy nappy" - The best naps that last anywhere between 45 minutes to 2 hours. You wake up completely refreshed.
  • "hum-min-ah" - The degree and speed at which you say this phrase indicates just how hot that guy over there is...
  • "kill me" - equivalent to "I just said/did something stupid" and always pertains to a boy.
  • "Lucy" - My sassy alter-ego.
  • "meh" - Equivalent to "Just not feeling it"
  • "Moanday" - Mondays, they are the worst.
  • "ponytail time" - The time of the day when you just have to pull your hair back and forge through the rest of the workday.
  • "shirt-fit" - A body that is so fit, that it makes a plain old t-shirt look gooood.
  • "slak" - A guy who "Sounds Like A Keeper" in the most sarcastic sense of the phrase
  • "super-fabu" - super fabulous :)
  • "worry dreams" - The freaky premonition dreams I have about my friends.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Save a little for me...

won't you save a little?...save a little for me...

I see it. Everyone with his or her someone, and then there is me. I tried. This year, I really tried to move on. I'm still scared. I'm still shy. I'm still guarded. I'm not going back, but I'm not going forward either. I really want to.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Over, under, around the tree

Guess what? I do believe in one short day, I AM OVER IT! So over it! I mean it this time. (I know what you're thinking Xtine "...") So over it! I am....really...really I am...why don't you believe me?

What was the appeal anyways?

Sunday, December 02, 2007

iLiked. iLost. iMiss.

I'm frustrated, upset, annoyed, jealous, sad, confused, regretful, angry...I want so badly to be "over it". I want to shut it off without shutting down. Am I making sense?

T-A-G-I-K-H-L-H-S-I-N-T-G

Boy, I am so N-T-G...not his anyways, but one day I will be someone elses.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Like a Moth to a Flame

So this is like my 12th blog entry since Thanksgiving. I'm on vacation for the entire week . Yep. I'm not back to work until Monday. Let's see, there was the Thanksgiving Party and USC v ASU game Thursday. Shopping Friday. Random hanging out moments Saturday. Vegas Sunday through Tuesday. Relaxation and recovery, followed by dropping Sadie off at the mechanic and class today.

I have over 140 hours of vacation racked up. I haven't been taking vacations lately. My last big vacation was in October of 2005. Hello. Two years ago! I really needed this vacation but I've come to realize that I'm not good a long unplanned vacations. I'm bored has HELL and I've only been home from Vegas one day.

Here is a video I felt like sharing. One of my favorite Janet songs is "That's the Way Love Goes". Here is the *nsync cover of that song. Enjoy!

Back to Reality

No point 'n shoot pictures of our Vegas fun were taken so as leave any incriminating evidence in Vegas where it belongs. Tuesday evening was devoted to my artsy fartsy Vegas Lights shots with LuLu. Check them out here: http://gallery.mac.com/corinat

We accomplished much of what we wanted to in Vegas. Shopping, eating, drinking, gambling, and a little picture taking. I actually had some honest to goodness "happy nappy" type dreams. All my "worry" type dreams took a hiatus and I did forget for a little while...It just made coming back to reality a lot harder.

Oh, I didn't get to wear any of my Vegas Shirts...oh well..we still got an "Excuse me, you dropped your pocket" line from from random kid. We still don't know what that means.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

My VS

Vegas Shirts have been pack. That's right, I said it..shirtS...as in more than one. Lucy is going to have a GREAT time! I want to forget about him on this trip. I hope to be over him by the end of this trip. Would it be bad if I started drinking now? (is this what my Mom meant?)

OMG I'm blogging at this almost 4 am. Umm..I'm so glad I'm not driving!

I'm not THAT random

Okay, so after some random blog reading, I've decided that I am not that random. Well, actually I've decided that I'm not that crazy. Really. I've read crazier. If I could, I'd link you...but then I would have to explain my whole "random selection" process for picking and reading these blogs. This would only result in me realizing that maybe I am a little crazy, neurotic, silly, and obsessive.

I'm going to take a mini vacay in Vegas. I can't wait. It's going to be super-fabulous. I must finish packing!

Thursday, November 22, 2007

My Spoon is TOO BIG!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I am thankful for funny times and silly videos that make me laugh. hehehehe. I had to post this, it has nothing to do with Thanksgiving, but it's hilarious. Enjoy!



But most of all, I'm thankful for YOU!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

No Regrets

This has been one crazy week. I don't know what it was about this week, but damn people...why so much talk about my Ex?! All the things I didn't (or should I say couldn't) do while I was with him came back to haunt me. I was lectured about my current lifestyle: the drinking, the disappearing, the secret boys. So I will tackle each one...

...the drinking...I am not a super big drinker, I never was. I don't have any "I got stupid drunk and pee-ed behind a tree" stories from high school or "I got stupid drunk and threw up on my roommate" stories from college. My current circle of friends are not big drinkers.

I admit that this year is the year of the drink. This past year, the "might have a drink" became "a will have a drink" if I was not driving. I also started going out every other week with my co-worker to eat, drink, and bitch about work. My mom caught me drinking a beer after work a the two times I actually did that. So now, according to my Mom, I drink too much. Okay, so I drink more this year than I ever have in the past 10 years of my life. So what? Big deal! I'm still responsible about it, I don't come home wasted, I still refuse to get stupid drunk (on purpose anyways). 2 is my max drink limit.

...the disappearing...Okay. After living parent-free for 4 years in a different city, its hard to re-adjust to living with the 'rents again. I seem to recall that after I came home from school, I disappeared on the weekends. Much to the dismay of my parents I would spend my weekends in the IE with my boyfriend. Okay so I know it didn't LOOK good that I would be spending the night there, but it wasn't like he lived alone. He lived at home like me. We had the same sleeping arrangements there as we did when he came and stayed with me and my family. I also called and told my dad that I wasn't coming home EVERY time. Even after 2 years of disappearing, after being with the same boy for 6 years, and being 24 years old, I was still calling home to let them know I made it there and that I was staying the night. *sigh* AND as the oldest, I am of course blamed for my sister having similar disappearing habits, which results in a whole mess of other lectures that I'd rather not start in on....

Now-a-days, I still tell my parents that I'm going out and I have my celly on me if they need me. I may not come home the same day that I left, but I'm coming home in the same condition that I was when I left. There is nothing sinister, nothing wrong, nothing illegal happening when I'm away. I'm not being all slutty or selling drugs. Hello. Have a little faith. I always come back! I'm having fun. I'm going out. I'm being free to hang out with who I want, when I want, without guilt and without the walls of manipulation from my ex-boyfriend.

...the secret boys...So I'm not the most public person when it comes to boys. I don't talk about boys with my parents. I was never allowed to talk to boys outside of high school, let alone hang out or date them. In college I didn't tell them about the boys I met or the boyfriends I had. It took me months to finally introduce my parents to my ex-boyfriend. He was the first and only one of my boyfriends they ever met. That was a total disaster. My mom wouldn't even come out of the car to meet him. She didn't acknowledge his existence for almost a year. It really strained our relationship. (mine with him and mine with my mom) So, I still don't tell my parents about the boys I'm seeing. I don't even tell them about the guy friends I have. Why? Because as soon as they sense there is a boy anywhere near me, they are all up on my case about him. Who is he? Who is he to me? Is it something? Will it become something? ARGH. Lay off already!

Secondly, the boys. I'm still trying to re-establish relationships with boys in general. When I was with the ex, it was very hard to just have friends, let alone have ones that were boys. I was so consumed by him, he was my whole life. Frankly he scared away any boys in my life who weren't related to me. Insecure bastard! I still have a hard time trusting boys. I still feel as though sooner or later they will hurt me, even if they are just a friend. After all, my ex and I started out as just friends and became the best of friends. Until I can trust a guy, they will not be introduced to my family or inner circle of friends.

I know there are a lot of things I missed out on while I was with him. I don't regret it, I can't regret it. That's how that part of my life played out. Don't lecture me on things from the past. I can't change that. I learned so much about myself from that experience. I know what I want and I know what I don't want. Just let me live my life! You have permission to butt in when I'm self destructing, when I'm really hurting myself, or if I'm in danger. I don't see any of that, so let me be! I'm freakin' 27 years old for corn sake!

I woke up and I knew.

I just woke up from a nap. I got home from work early, went to the grocery, and took a short nap on the couch before cooking my side dishes. I had another one of those dreams. I don't remember much of what went on or what exactly was said. He was in it. He appeared so happy. He told me a decision was made. When I woke up I knew. I knew what decision was made, why he was happy, why I was...well it doesn't it matter what I was. It's not like I didn't know this was going to happen eventually. He's been telling from the beginning that it was going to. He is happy and I am happy for him.

I don't know what it is about him. I don't know why out of ALL the people I've met or gotten to know recently, I have my "funny-strange" dreams about. And not in a gradual way like it normally is. It started within a few weeks of just talking in the office. It freaked me out. It still freaks me out. It terrifies me so much so that I've purposefully...well...there are walls and guards and a moat and a fire breathing dragon. I wasn't going to let myself go there.

There have been some dreams throughout the year that have remained unverified. Not all of them have been spot on. But I can remember at least 4 instances that I know for sure. I had the first dream the night of the company X-mas party last year. I had the second the night before his truck was broken into. I had the third the night before he found out he didn't do so well on an exam. I told him about the dreams that night. I thought maybe I was over it because I hadn't had another one for a long ass time. Then I had the forth dream the night before that stuff happened at work.

Okay, I thought no more work, no more dreams. Its been almost two months since that last dream, but now...now this one...If it is what I think, then these dreams related to him will stop. If it is what I think, then he has someone to worry about him. I don't dream about people who are taken cared of. It's not my place to, it actually never was to begin with...I have to keep reminding myself of that. It's going to stop. It HAS to stop.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Always on the Edge...

I was asked if I was going to go to the X-mas party this year. It got me thinking about the person I was this time last year. In some ways, I've progressed SO MUCH. In others, well...I'm still doing the same old shit. I've let go of a lot of baggage, but I'm finding that while I may have boxed up the old crap, I haven't completely gotten rid of it. It's still sitting there by the door waiting to be thrown out.

I wish I was bolder and more confident. I should just take it because I deserve it. I always find myself on the edge of something good..One more step, one more action, one more word, and then I'm there or it's mine. I get scared or chicken out and I back away. I'm still backing away!

Maybe my Moms was right. Ugh. Please don't tell her I said that.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Just because...

hi. I had to post it. I've been distracted by this picture for a couple of days now. I know, I'm too old for this...but hello..H-E-L-L-O! I don't know if its the tattoo that makes him hot or if it's him that makes the tattoo hot...either way..YUM!

...and NO I did not come home for lunch just to look at this picture. I came home to eat lunch because I am saving monies for my Vegas trip...

Thursday, November 15, 2007

The Happiest of the Happy Nappy

That's what I miss, the "Happy Nappy". It's been forever since I've had that kind of nap. I nap now, but its not nearly has comforting and its not nearly as "happy". I miss that feeling of total relaxation, knowing that you are completely safe and taken cared of. I don't get me wrong, I am completely capable of taking care of myself, but the past year I've come to realize just how lonely it is. I want that again, that feeling that I'm being taken cared of, watched over, and missed by someone else. I want to take care of someone else, watch over them, and miss them when we are apart. That want is what is messing with me. I find myself worrying about the people in my life way too much. Part of is it me projecting my desire to take care of someone onto them. I get way too invested, more than I should sometimes. I start having my "worry dreams" that result to sleepless nights or unsatisfying naps. My behavior changes and all of a sudden I find myself taking care of everyone else that I forget to take care of myself. It was the whole reason I made a promise to myself to take better care of myself. It was the reason I bought myself a ring.

Okay, this blog entry started out as one thing, and now its going to turn into something completely different..

I have been having this reoccurring daydream all day. Each time it gets bigger and more elaborate. Aside from my email escapes, its the only other break I have during the work day. I feel better and happier every time I think about it. Then reality sinks in and I am blah until the next time I think about it. The daydream started last night when Xtine randomly says, "once [he] picked up some food..." and lo and behold it turned into a story with a back story. *sigh* Here is the ever-evolving story:

Boss-Lady has been crabby all day and yells at me yet again about something lame. A developer is breathing down my neck wanting their money that I was with-holding. I receive 2 more submittals on top of the 3 that I am already currently working on. A client calls wanting something else ASAP. Half the staff is out for various reasons like they're on vacation, in the field, or stayed home because it was too windy outside (yes, that was a real reason used by a co-worker and wouldn't you know boss-lady accepted it). Yep. It was another one of those days at work. The only saving grace is that I will be having a nice dinner with my man.

On my way home I receive a text: "I won't be home until late, I'm stuck at this meeting. I'm so sorry baby". GREAT! I get home, get the mail (er bills) and go inside. I pout my way into my pajamas a plop myself down on the couch with my husky, Essie. I fall asleep while watching the Magic Bullet infomercial on TV. (YES! You can make your pesto sauce!) As I'm sleeping, I hear a little bit of a ruckus in the kitchen, but I ignore it. After all, Essie isn't barking so there is no reason to be alarmed.

I feel him kiss my nose, but I don't wake up. I hear him whisper in my ear, "Wake up, baby...dinner is ready..." He kisses my nose again, and then my ear. I still don't wake up. He kisses my neck, right below the ear..and then again where my neck and shoulder meet. It tickles like crazy and I giggle. I sit up and look up at him kneeling there next to me. Without saying anything I grab his hand and give him a look. He looks at me and says, "Okay, 15 minutes..." He settles onto the couch and I snuggle up next to him as he wraps his arms around me. I fall asleep to the sound of his heart beat. We sleep for 2 hours.. hehehehe =)


I think I will continue to daydream and hopefully one day it will become reality. =)

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Crushed

It's called a crush for that very reason, because often times you are left crushed, heartbroken even.

Boys are cute. I like boys. I miss boys. I really, really miss having a boyfriend. So. Apparently Corina likes her boys...a lot. This year, ever since I "woke up", my boy-craziness has gotten OUT OF CONTROL. It so easy to fall in like with a boy...or two..Its the making something of it that I'm having a hard time with. The daydreams, they just aren't cutting it these days. I'm lonely. I wish I could have just said it at the time. I should have expressed how I was feeling before. It never seemed like the right time, and now....well now is the worst time. Its all so confusing. I'm all mixed up.

Boys are cute, I miss boys. I miss one in particular right now...but that changes on an hourly bases these days...

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Widgetmania!

I downloaded a widget...a blogger widget. As if I didn't blog enough, they make it even easier with this widget. What else can I download? How many is too many Widgets to have on your dashboard?

Okay, I've lost it, I just downloaded "Sing that iTune!" It shows the lyrics for the current iTune track. So far, it doesn't seem to know the lyrics to any John Legend songs...how rude!

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Grab a spoon?

I'm constantly breaking my own heart these days. Hoping, wishing, pining, and waiting isn't doing anyone good. Especially me. I've grabbed a spoon, but I have yet to pick a flavor. I wish I could just say it, get it out there, be me. After all what do I have to lose? Depending on which way it goes, a lot. I hate gray areas. Who am I kidding, I've been in the gray so long that I might as well stop renting and buy a house already. Then I can run for Major of the Gray Area. Ugh.

Everything is just so confusing. I didn't think I would...you know...so much, but I do. This feeling, it surprised me, sneaked up on me, and now I can't get rid of it. Why? It would all be so much easier if I didn't feel this way...

I just noticed that this was my 100th post! Wowie.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Stop me. I want to shut down.

I want to believe that he is okay and that this arrangement will work, but its hard. We took him in like family. As with each of us, living here, there are rules. Rules which we each need to abide by. We might not agree with them, but out of respect, we follow them. He doesn't pay rent, we feed him and give him a place to stay. We don't ask him to do chores, or have these crazy expectations. For some reason, its not sticking with him. Maybe its a cultural difference. Maybe its that whole obligation thing that is pounded in each of us growing up...or is that just me?

I hate being the oldest. I hate being a worrier. I hate that I get so involved, so "in it". I hate that I soak up the feelings and environment around me too much. I hate the weird dreams and the hyper sensitivity. Shutting down sounds really good right now, but that's not an option. I need to learn how to be there with out being in the middle of it. Someone tell me how to do that!

Monday, October 29, 2007

Sun Comes Up

I now have three favorite John Legend songs. 1) Stay With You, 2) Save Room, and 3) Sun Comes Up. I feel as though if song #1 and #2 had a baby, it would be song #3. What do you think?

Sunday, October 28, 2007

My Five - October Update

I knew there was a reason why I don't write My Five down. It's always changing. It changes almost hourly. I've decided to add pictures, because sometimes words just aren't enough....Here it be (in no particular order).

1) John Legend *sigh* (his voice makes my toes curl..hehehehe)

2) Scott Foley, call sign "Cool Breeze" (despite that, he's still in my five!)

3) JC Chasez (sorry Justin you've been bumped...again)

4) Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson (hello? need I say anything?? oh yeah, and the lighting is really good in this portrait!)

5) Michael Vartan (broodiness is soooo hot...)

The Game Plan

I just got back from seeing "The Game Plan"...I had been wanting to see this movie since I first heard they were making it. (Yes, I watch the Disney Channel, whatcha gonna do about it?!) Hello. It stars the Rock, it's a Disney Movie, and it stars the Rock, and it has football, and it stars the Rock, and did I mention that the Rock is in it? So, there is me, eagerly waiting and dying to see it and with NO ONE to see it with me. My sister doesn't see movies with me anymore. My brother (who owns every single football movie ever made and every single Rock movie ever made) laughed at me. My regular fellow movie watcher was not interested in going at all either.



Earlier last week Xtine mentions that she would see it with me after her husband vetoed it on their list of movies to see. We decided to go today, slightly curious why these boys didn't want to see this movie. We now know why. Barely 1/4 into the movie, I was tearing up. I refused to look anywhere other than to screen for fear that someone would catch me crying. It didn't stop. It got worse. To keep myself from completely balling, I focused on the muscles and tan-ness that is Dwayne...and I did a lot of blinking to keep the tears in.

All in all, it was a very good movie. And no, I was not the only one who cried. Xtine was crying. The lady in front of me was blowing her nose, and the lady next to me was wiping her face quite a bit too.

That reminds me, I have to update my five...again...

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Catching some Zzzzz

I haven't slept like a normal person in weeks. Too much on my mind. Too many worries. Too many weird dreams. That's how it's been. I'd lay there for a few hours and then when I finally fall asleep, it would be filled with crazy dreams. I wake up feeling like I didn't sleep. I just want to be able to shut my brain off for a few hours and really sleep. After work I took the happiest nap ever. It was great, until the nightmares started up again.

This time I was alone in a tiny room in complete darkness. The walls and the floors were covered with thorns or pins. I couldn't sit down, I couldn't lean on the walls. I had to stand and I had been standing there for days. I was trapped and confined. I kept hearing scary noises, like crying and screaming. I started crying in my dream. My mom woke me up before I started crying in reality.

I know what this one means. The worries, its me, its all me. It's because it's so strong, this feeling I'm having. It's so palpable and heavy. It's everywhere, I live it, and I can't fix it.

I'm being dramatic again. This can only mean one of two things...or possibly both...

Saturday, October 20, 2007

The Art of Covering

There are many covers out there, some work, some don't. Some improve the song, and others just make me love the originals more. Below are some of my favorite covers...

At first I thought, no one messes with JT, but this version of Cry Me a River is great!


I had wanted to post Marie Digby's cover of James Morrison's You Give me Something, but instead I came across this song. She is crazy amazing and has a good ear if she is able to turn the most random songs into great acoustic versions. I think I like this version of Britney Spears' Gimme More so much better!


Okay I couldn't help myself. This song is so much better sung by a girl. Here is Marie Digby's cover of You Give me Something. Umbrella is still my all time favorite cover from her.


I'm not a big Paula Cole fan, and I don't even really know what the original version of this song sounds like. I don't know if its the lyrics or Katharine McPhee's Voice, but I'm diggin' this song! Also, I get a little bit of the giggles when she says, "I was driving in my car.." and she does that steering wheel motion..hehehe


Covers that put a new spin on the song are great. Here is one I especially like, Before I Cheat by Joe, originally Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood. It has a whole new meaning.


So I had to throw this one in. I LOVE JC Chasez and Tony Lucca! This was the song that pretty much got me hooked on those two. Yes it is from the Mickey Mouse Club...don't look at me like that, you know you watched it too!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Under my Umbrella

I've been daydreaming about it all day. It's my new obsession...I can picture it now! I just need to practice. Practice Practice Practice. This is going to be great! This is going to be...is it do-able? OMG. Baby steps.

Umbrella!

Saturday, October 06, 2007

So Much Missed.

I purposely scheduled my disconnecting during a week when a) I would be super busy, b) my PC became half way dead, and c) I was not PMSing too much. Obviously that whole disconnecting exercise did not last very long because a week later when my iMac arrived I was online like a crazy maniac again. hehehehe. While I was disconnecting, I managed to connect better with some people, disconnect from others, see Wicked, watch my first USC Football game on TV and then my first home game at the Coliseum the following week, organize my room, have daily devotional time, go to church and SLEEP!

Disconnect/Reconnect
I think you can tell a lot about a person based on who their friends are. You can also tell a lot about a person by who they disconnect themselves from. It's funny how the week I was trying to "e-tox" was the week that several old friends contacted me via email/myspace/text. What the heck?

Wicked

OMG. I LOVED IT! I would totally see it again if anyone wants to go see it! I love the whole theater experience. The dressing up and driving to Hollywood and seeing a great musical! So great! I had to buy the soundtrack, and I've been listening to it practically every day at work.

USC Football
I love my Trojans, but what is going on with them!? The first home game that we attended was the USC vs. Washington State game. So much fun and it was a full house.


Room Organization
I wanted to make room for my new computer. While I managed to clean a lot off my desk and organize my closet, I'm still not finished with all the junk I have. I don't think I ever will be. It's worse than my desk at work.

Devotionals and Church
The spiritual side of me is struggling. I had two fairly decent weeks of quiet time and daily devotionals. When I was disconnecting, I was able to devote a little bit more time to that aspect, however I have not done very much of it since. Since the retreat, I have gone solo to church. I don't mind doing that so much because not having anyone to go with is a lame excuse for not going to church. It's especially true for me, who is a person who occasionally finds herself flying solo to parties and such. I prayed for a few weeks for God to give me the courage to ask someone to come with me to church. I was rejected, but that's okay. It didn't stop me from trying again last week. Spiritual health is very important and at some point he will go back. Until then, it will still be one of my many prayer requests.

Sleep
I slept a lot while I was waiting for my iMac. I knew that once it came I would not be sleeping all that much for a while. I've been averaging 4-5 hours a night. Who knew this computer could do so much! Pictures, Movies, Music. iLove!

So that's pretty much what happened during my brief moment of disconnecting. Now that I have my iMac and my Blackberry Curve, I am finding out that I am much more connected than I was before. The only difference is I am able to practice a little more self-control...at least I like to tell myself that I can. =)

Friday, October 05, 2007

Because there aren't enough.

More rules.

NEVER...
  1. Cross the street without looking both ways first.
  2. Ignore your instincts
  3. Eat dirt
  4. Try to fix something that isn't broken
  5. Email, text, call, or call on someone when you are drunk
  6. Sit/step on a rusty nail
  7. Poke a bear
  8. Come between me and what I want
  9. Blog while PMSing
  10. Expect someone to change, because they never will, but you will
  11. Walk alone at night in a neighborhood you are not familiar with
  12. Spread rumors
  13. Eat my chocolate without asking me first
  14. Make assumptions
  15. Take pictures without taking off the lens cap or putting film in the camera
  16. Talk with your mouth full
ALWAYS...
  1. Say "Thank you"
  2. Tell the truth
  3. Ask me before eating my chocolate
  4. Let me just cry
  5. Remind me that its going to be okay
  6. Have a pen
  7. Know that I'm here for you
  8. Drink enough water
  9. Sing loudly and proudly, who cares if other people an hear
  10. Understand that I can be uptight
  11. Sit like a lady
  12. Say your prayers
  13. Carry a pad in your purse
  14. Know that its okay to be silly
  15. Have music in your life
  16. Go with your heart
  17. Be understanding
  18. Say "I Love You"

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Ano ito?

It's funny how I can understand Tagalog when its spoken to me, however I have no idea how to say anything other than the standard greeting, "thank you", "I'm hungry", and "Where is the bathroom?" And forget about reading it. It's even worse trying to read it! It looks like..well it might as well be a series of numbers....

Although, I used to be very good a pager code... 7317731778312-48111176-70-00-7415? It was easier to do 424-720..hehehehe. OMG, am I totally dating myself by mentioning pagers? LOL. It's so 1996.

So I recently starting looking at my Conversational Tagalog book again. I thought maybe I'd brush up, that way when I fake it, at least it looks real. hehehehe. There are some pretty strange dialogs in this book. For example: "Umiinon, sumasayaw. Pag pagod na ay ngumingiti na lang ako." Which means "I drink, dance. When I'm tired I just smile." It made me smile, so of course I have to use it. If only I knew how to pronounce the first, second, and seventh word in that sentence...

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Unfold


I am LOVING this song by Marie Digby. It speaks to me. I don't know why. =)

Here are the lyrics if you feel compelled to sing along:

what i can remember
is alot like water
trickling down a page
of the most beautiful colors
i can't quite put my
finger down on the moment
that i became like ... this

you see, i'm the bravest girl
you will ever come to meet
and yet i shrink down to nothing
at the thought of someone
really seeing me
i think my heart is wrapped around
and tangled up in winding weeds

but i don't wanna go on living
being so afraid of showing
someone else my.. imperfections
even though my feet are trembling
and every word i say comes stumbling
i will bare it all.. watch me unfold
unfold

these hands that i hold
behind my back are
bound and broken by my own doing
and i can't feel
anything, anymore
i need a touch to remind me
i'm still real..

my soul
it's dying to be free
i can't live the rest of my life
so guarded
it's up to me to choose..
what kind of life i lead.

cause i don't wanna go on living
being so afraid of showing
someone else my.. imperfections
even though my feet are trembling
and every word i say comes stumbling
i will bare it all.. watch me unfold
unfold

i will allow someone to love me
i will allow someone to love me...

love me.. love me...

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

iWorld - iDay 1

Day 1 as an official iMac user. Yes. I've done it. Not only did I get a new computer, but I've officially switched operating systems too. And you thought old dogs couldn't learn new tricks. hehehehehe. I'm learning..slowly. I just transfered all my music from my PC to my iMac. Next up are the photos.

Funny thing is that I've already gotten the hang of the iChat. Of course. So much for the disconnecting. Oh well. I knew it was going to happen. =)

It it normal to see an "i" in front of everything now?

Monday, September 24, 2007

iLove!

My iMac is in. In fact...I am blogging with my superfantabulous iMac right now! Its soo sleek, so *sigh*

iLOVE!

Oh...and my "E-tox" (JM, 2007) is officially over. I'm back!

Look for corrections/updates to several blog entries. hehehehehe.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Disconnecting

I had dinner with some friends last night. The conversation was so refreshing, even if some of it was about me being "too connected". I am too connected. I do need to "lose" my cellphone and turn off the computer for a few days. So I am signing off for a little while to detox. We will see how long this lasts, but I know it is something that NEEDS to be done. I need to re-assess some connections with people, is it real or is it just the convenience of technology? I need to disconnect with the technology and reconnect with the person. I'm started to forget what some people's voices sounds like.

Don't worry, I am not hiding or shutting out the world. I'm just logging off of AIM, yahoo messenger, and gtalk, and shutting down my computer for a while. I will be checking my personal email, just not as often. Today is the last day I will be on myspace. I won't be blogging, but I will be journaling like I've always done, with a pen and paper. I will have my cellphone on me, I just won't be chatting on AIM, texting, or emailing much there either. I'm still a phone call away, so just call me. We can have a normal conversation where I can actually hear the "LOL" and see the "..."!!!

I hope to see you in reality. =)

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

My Life, My Rules.

Updated 10/01/07

Okay. So I tend to have an obsessive nature. When I like someone, I think about them, ALWAYS. If only I can be as diligent about going to the gym, washing my car, cleaning out my email box, or eating vegetables as I am obsessing over some boy. I get it, you're over it. We are all over it, I should be over it and I say I'm over it, but clearly, by the way I talk I am not over it.

Having said that I am slowly compiling a set of rules to keep me in check when it comes to boys. Its mostly to weed out the bad ones to make room for the good ones. Hopefully in the process, I can keep myself from constantly talking about the bad weeds...

My Musts
Yes, I have a list of "Musts". I can hear the boys groaning now. No, there is nothing about appearance or financial stability (although it would be nice if you were taller and older than me and have your shit together when it comes to money). My "Musts" is not a very long list, but in order for us to be an us, you must:
a) Must Be Christian - I was in a relationship with a guy who was Catholic when I was undergoing some spiritual changes. He was not supportive, in fact he was the exact opposite and it hurt. I refuse to deal with that again.

b) Must Want to Get Married - I'm not saying let's get hitched now, but I do want to get married someday. It would be a shame to invest so much of myself into a relationship with someone who has no intention of ever getting married and I don't believe in trying to change someone into marriage.
c) Must Want Children - Again, I don't want to have babies now, but I will one day. This is for the same reason as above.
d) Must NOT be Taken - If you are married, have a girlfriend, or are currently in love with someone else, then walk on by. I will not share you romantically with anyone else. I deserve all of you, just like you deserve all of me.
See that wasn't so bad. If you are all four of those then feel free to move on to the next rule and practice it regularly on me! =)

If you don't have the balls to ask me out, then you're not man enough to date me.
Call me old-fashioned, call me sexist, call me anti-feminist, call me a cab. I don't care. What kind of guy wants the kind of girl who asks them out anyways? Its a little too forward and a little too ballsy for a girl to do so. I'm all about girl power, but when it comes to dating, boys are the pursuers and girls are the persuees. That's the way it's always been, that's the way it's supposed to be. It says so in the bible somewhere.

My face is up here!
Okay so I may have a little extra boobage, big deal. It does not matter how long you stare at them or how much you talk to them, they will NOT talk back. Wanna earn brownie points? Eyes up here Mister. Oh and while we are on the subject of boobage, do not look at other girls' boobage while we're talking. Hello. While it shows great flexibility to be able to turn your head completely around 360 degrees, it's sooo not attractive, not to mention very rude.

Save the games for the court.
I can outline my dating pattern as follows: date for 5 minutes, in a long term relationship for about a year, break up, not date for a year, date for 5 minutes, in a long term relationship for about 6 years, break up, not date for a couple of years, date here, not date, date there, not date... I don't have game, I don't know the rules of the game, I don't want to play the game. Don't fish for an invite, don't manipulate me into asking you out, don't send me mixed messages. If you like me, ask me out. If you don't, stop messing with me.

"I'm Busy"
If you're too busy to make time to get to know me, you're too busy to be in a relationship with. If you really liked me, you would make time for me, just like I would make time for you. I understand that some people are busy, hell I get busy. That's fine, just know that with me, if we keep trying to make plans and you keep saying "I'm busy"..at some point I will hear "not interested" and walk away.

I am not your emotional booty call!
With technology these days, its very easy to be too connected. I am one of those who is one call, text message, email, or IM away. This does NOT mean that I am in any way, shape, or form a booty call, physical or emotional. The emotional ones are tricky, because they come in the guise of friendship, but when you ONLY contact me when you are drunk, lonely, or when there is no one else, I notice. Believe you me I NOTICE. So don't use me like that, you lose a friend and a potential girlfriend that way.

I ain't no holla back girl!
Please work on your approach. Surefire way to get a fake name and number from me is to use a bad line to get my attention. Anything that starts with "hey baby", involves boob ogling, or ends with "sit on my face" are not good ways to approach a girl. A simple, "Hi" works. Not sure if the line you use is appropriate? If you have a sister or best gal pal, how would you want a guy to approach her? Exactly.

Flakes Need Not Apply
1) Be true to your word - If you say you are going to do something, do it. Even with the small stuff.
2) Don't flake out or "forget" - Forgetting is just another excuse. If I was that important to you, you wouldn't forget about me.
The lies and excuses add up. Once or twice on a rare occasion, but if this becomes a habit, then I'm out. It's all about respect.

Are we on a date?
As far as I'm concerned, there is dating and there is hanging out. If two people of the opposite sex are together and the following characteristics are present, THEN IT IS NOT A DATE:
1) It involves an errand of some sort - I'm sorry, picking up dry cleaning or going to Target together does not qualify as a date, you're hanging out.
2) Other people are with you - Unless it's another couple and you're on a double date, if other people are with you, then a bunch of you are hanging out. With enough of you, then its a party.
3) You're unsure if its a date, chances are it isn't - You're hanging out.
4) You are doing the same thing with this person as you would your best friend of the same sex and nothing more - You're hanging out with your best friend of the opposite sex.
5) You arrive there (wherever "there" is) and you split up to do your own thing - You carpooled with you friend and you aren't even hanging out. What's wrong with you?

Same Goes for YOU
There is a difference between not doing something because you can't and not doing something because you won't. I understand the can'ts, we all have can'ts, its the won'ts that REALLY tick me off. Don't ask of me what you are unwilling to do yourself.

Okay that's all for now, I'm sure things will come to me as time goes on so check back on the list often. hehehehe.

Friday, September 07, 2007

My Catalysts

Updated 10/01/07

This was the year of change, but the past few months I've fallen, yet again. Sometime in the spring I stopped going to church, by summer I stopped going to the gym, and since the end of the dreaded "busy season" I've stopped caring about work. All three things were very important parts of my overall growth and health and I just stopped. Why? I believe it is because I lost focus. I got caught up in doing it for me, or for a boy, or for some social event, instead of focusing on HIM!

So then here comes the retreat. The retreat I had known for months that I was going to, the retreat I was soooo not prepared for. The Foundry kids are amazing. They are so filled with the spirit of the Lord in all they do and it's intimidating. Half the people there are in seminary or are heavily involved in various ministries. They can spout out bible verses from memory like I can spout out the lyrics to a Britney Spears song. So here they are with their well worn, well read bibles, and then there is me, 2 years after being baptized, still a baby in my spiritual growth holding my bible that is so under-read that it still creeks when you open it. HELLO! Major kick in my Spiritual Butt!

During the retreat we discussed what it means to love your brothers and sisters in Christ. We cultivated a list of various things that included that one must do to express that love, and they include: listening to them, caring for them, serving them, being giving and encouraging them in Christ, asking and giving forgiveness, and being humble. The one that really resonates in me is that I must be willing to confront them on their sins.

The speaker asked, "When was the last time you confronted someone about their sins?" It had been forever since I have. It's been forever since I've even thought about any sins, big or small. It's probably because I've been committing them myself, so for me to confront someone else about it would be like confronting myself. He then asked, "When was the last time someone confronted you about your sins?" Several people come to mind. They may not all have helped me as a brother or sister in Christ, but each of them have provided insight into some of my sinful and semi-self-destructive behavior in various aspects of my life. Their presence have brought about changes in me. Most likely they have no idea how much my life has been blessed by their friendship, but here I go.

MA - My "God Willing" Catalyst - We were destined to meet you and me, and when we finally did it was like we knew each other all our lives! You met me in the middle of my spiritual transition, when I was still wavering between Christianity and Catholicism. And while I still remain fairly quiet and shy about my faith, you're patience and understanding with me and the struggles I have in my walk is a continued blessing to me. You are my sister and a major source of encouragement. You challenge me in a way that doesn't freak me out or shut me down. I thank you for keeping me in prayer and inviting me to your church retreat every year. Please continue to keep me accountable! My "You're so random" Catalyst - You didn't know the random me, and you have no idea how happy I was when you said that to me. It means that I'm coming back and I haven't lost me.

VH - My "What the HELL?!" Catalyst - You make work fun, despite the you know who doing the you know whats you know when, you know? You make our bitchfests even better! You, my dear, are funny and kind and have taught me that its okay to laugh at yourself even when you trip and fall on your face or walk around with your fly open all day. We get each other's humor, because it is essentially the same! Is it weird? Probably, but who cares right? Thank you for the mini-escapes from work, even though we end up complaining (I mean talking) about work the whole time anyways. Also, thanks to GH for letting me borrow you every now and then to watch movies. =)

SLAK - My "I like you, do you like me too??" Catalyst - I've been in and out of "like" with you forever. You are the very first guy that I allowed myself to fall for after the break-up. You've really tried my patience and confused me to no end with your flirtatious nature and mixed messages. I'm walking away from the possibility. I'd much rather have you as a friend then nothing at all, and while "we" never came to be, at least I know I am capable of having those feelings for someone again.

JM - My "Not all guys are like him" Catalyst - You're right. Not all guys are like him and I must admit that when we first started talking, I had written you off as one of them. No, you are one of the good ones and it freaks the hell outta me how much I trust you. Even those times when I pick fights or push you away, you're still there and you understand that I do it because of past hurts. You're a good friend. Thank you for understanding, always making me laugh, and even for those times you made me cry. Big Girls Don't Cry, even though I know you do...even when you say you don't...you and your sad love songs and youtube videos.** Okay, okay.. You don't cry. You dissipate..which is how you stay silky and clever. hehehehehe. **

OPM - My "I'm the Goddess" Catalyst - I want to be like you when I grow up, 5'8", super skinny, and gorgeous with a husband and baby on the way. For now I'll settle for 5'4", super non-skinny, and busty with the dream of a husband and the hopes for a baby one day. =) You are one of two of my favorite Trojans and I love the many adventures we had at 'SC and the many more we will have together here in the Pink Bubble. Welcome to the neighborhood. It's going to be fabulous! Oh, have I mentioned that I want to live in Woodbury too because of you?! You bring out the goddess in us all with your grown up fabulousness and I thank you for that! **You're right, he is an "almost" and in fact, I'm changing the "A" and S.L.A.K. to "Sound Like an Almost Keeper"**

CDS - My "What did you do?!" Catalyst - You tell me like it is. Your honesty, insight, and the blank looks you give me where your eyebrows go to the sides of your head (aka the "....") are priceless. I love you for that! It keeps me on my toes. You've managed not to kill me, despite the multitude of times I've asked you to after saying or doing something stupid over some boy. My "Daydream believer" Catalyst - You're always there to listen/read as I ramble on and on about my latest obsession, whether it be a hobby, a house, or a boy. My fellow Trojan and now..umm..what is the mascot for IVC? I've been itching to do something since getting out of school (eww that was 5 years ago!) Thank you for taking this photography class with me and being a constant source of encouragement! Next up tap dancing???

Monday, September 03, 2007

Spiritual Constipation

Happy Labor Day weekend everyone!


I spent the holiday weekend with one of my bestest friends, MA, in San Diego for the Foundry (20's singles) group from Grace Church. The topic of the weekend was "Koinonia" - the ideal fellowship and community that should exist among Christians.

This retreat was a true blessing and a huge kick in my spiritual butt. I learned so much about myself, my faith, my friends, and my God. I did tons of praying, laughing, crying, singing, playing, and meeting people.

When I have the time to write out a proper testimony to the weekend, I will. I am currently suffering from "spiritual constipation". For now, here are a few pictures from the retreat.








Sunday, August 26, 2007

Picture this...

I started my Black & White Photography class last Monday. I am so excited to be able to relearn my photography skills and work in a darkroom again. The only issue that I'm having is my camera.

She's over 20 years old; my mom bought her when the Olympics were in Los Angeles. My brother had poked in the shutter with his baby fingers and jacked it up. We had it repaired in time for me to use it when I started taking photography, and when I became yearbook staff photographer. I thought, great! I can dust her off and use her again!

Nope. She was working absolutely perfectly, until today. Yep. TODAY! The day that I need to use her for my first assignment! ARGH!

So, I went to Target and bought a 35mm Rebel K2 this evening and shot my roll of film. I hope they turned out. *sigh*

This new class is eating into my new iMac fund...Yeah. It's now just the iMac fund. I've dropped the "One day I'll live in Woodbury" and the "I drive a X5" fund. For now I will live in my parent's non-air conditioned home and drive my Mom's freaky hood likes to open on it's own car because she wants to drive Ava. Her car isn't even worth naming...even if it is a Benz. I'm a BMW girl!

Smile. *click* What do you mean I have to wait until the film is developed!? I want to see it NOW!

Friday, August 17, 2007

Pain in the ASSessment District

I don't know what it is about this year, but work is really kicking my ass. Actually Boss-Lady is really kicking my ass. She yelled at me today. YELLED. She had asked me to edit a document for her, so I did, printed it out, and locked my computer. I handed her the edits and left for lunch. When I got back from my long lunch (oops), there was the document with her infamous red lines. Along with it was a note that read "I was going to make the edits and email this myself, but you locked your computer with the document open... - J"

I quickly made the changes to the letter and emailed it out. She comes up to me 10 minutes later with an envelope full of more work and says, "Penance for earlier" as she hands it to me. She then gets all Boss-Lady and starts yelling at me. Actually It went more like this:

Me: I'm sorry
BL: Why do you lock your computer? No one, except for maybe your sister, locks their computer.
Me: I've always locked my computer, I thought it was company policy to..
BL: I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THAT POLICY. You should not be locking your computer. Who would want to look at anything on YOUR computer?! You are locking the rest of the staff out of your system when you do that!
Me: But I...
BL: And I'm not allowed to ask you for your password. So you should not be locking your computer!
Me: Ok.

I love that Boss-Lady is going on vacation for the next two weeks. Unfortunately, the time before she leaves and shortly after she comes back is hell on Earth. I've been working here for 4.5 years. There is no changing her. She even says, "This is how I am, deal with it". Why am I dealing with it? Every year its the same stuff. Every year its the same projects, the same stress, the same busy season, the same people.

It has to be me. I've changed. I can't deal with this shit anymore. No, actually I can deal with it, because I have been for the past 4.5 years. I don't want to deal with this shit anymore. I'm being careless at work and it shows. I'm frustrated and annoyed. I'm coming in later, taking longer lunches, and leaving work with an armful of work to do at home. Drinking has never been a big thing for me, but this year I find myself drinking more often. In fact, as I write this I am drinking...this Friday, it's just a beer...normally its lots of something with RUM.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

My New Theme Song

For the past month or so, my theme song has been "Big Girls Don't Cry". While they shouldn't, I do and have been for a while now. There have been several "la da da da" moments, "I hope you know" moments, and tons of "myself and I" moments. I'm still a work in progress. While I may still trip, flip, and shut down, the frequency and duration of those events are a lot less.

So. "Big Girls Don't Cry" is still my song, but I've added another one to the mix. I don't have a video, but here are the lyrics. Whether or not this fits a "pattern", I dunno, but I'd like to think that it shows that I do have some hope that one day that someone will hear me...

Kelly Clarkson - Hear Me

Hear me / Hear me

You gotta be out there / You gotta be somewhere
Wherever you are / I'm waiting
'Cause there are these nights when / I sing myself to sleep
And I'm hopin' my dreams / Bring you close to me
Are you listening?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out / I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd / It's getting loud
I need you to see / I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me / Hear me

Hear me
Can you hear me?
Hear me

I used to be scared of / Letting someone in
But it gets so lonely / Being on my own
No one to talk to / And no one to hold me
I'm not always strong / Oh, I need you here
Are you listening?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out / I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd / It's getting loud
I need you to see / I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me

I'm restless and wild / I fall, but I try
I need someone to understand / Can you hear me?
I'm lost in my thoughts / And baby I'm far
For all that I've got / Can you hear me?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out / I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd / It's getting loud
I need you to see / I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me / Hear me
Hear me / Hear me
Can you hear me?
Hear me / Hear me
Hear me / Can you hear me?
Oh, oh, oh, oh...
Hear me / Hear me
Hear me

Monday, August 13, 2007

Fun in the Bay Area

On Sunday, since we were already in the Bay Area for the wedding, we decided to do some sight seeing around some of my parents' favorites places. They met in the bay area in the late 70's. My dad has family up here and when we were little, my parents used to drive us up here at least once a year.


First stop was Pacific beach. We stopped by the Seacliff Apartments where my Dad used to live when he first came to the States. Pretty swanky bachelor pad dad-doo. Next up was the beach down the street. There we decided to try out the "sports" feature on my camera. Here are Diana and Andrew's attempt at doing a chest bump. Well...they definitely made contact...



Next up we drove down to Half Moon Bay. We looked at the little beach houses and the people surfing on the beach. We drove back the way we came and headed towards San Francisco. We took several pictures of the Golden Gate Bridge...here are some of my favorites..

Alex & Janette's Wedding

On Saturday was my cousin Alex and Janette's wedding in Vallejo, CA. It was a very traditional Filipino-Catholic Wedding...and an equally traditional Filipino Reception (aka, LOTS of booze, dancing, more booze, loud talking, booze, money dancing, booze, and we must not forget the electric slide!) Here are a few pictures from the reception...and not a single one includes the bride and groom..or even anyone at our table...or my parent's table ...

Sunday, August 05, 2007

OC Fair, Take Two

More fun was had at the Fair on Saturday. Yep, I went to the OC Fair for a second time over the weekend. This time it was with my Sister, Brother-In-Law to be (aka BIL), and my Brother. Oh, and I must not forget, LuLu was there too!

Initially, our main objective was to get some fun pictures of the happy couple doing fun fair stuff. I really wanted to take pictures of them going down that HUGE potato sack slide. Dee was totally down for it, but BIL was not. So then our main objective was to eat. We didn't waste any time. First stop was BBQ - we had several pork sandwiches, BIL had a super long hot dog which he covered with a bowl of chili, there was an onion petal, a huge order of chili cheese fries, and a couple of beers (for me and BIL). It was a lot of food.


Next up, the Photo Booth. I didn't think we could all fit in one, but we did...On the 3rd one down, Andrew's there, just hiding from embarrassment..hehehehe.

After photo booth fun we had our dippin dots. Which resulted in some boob touching...

Me: Seriously? You do realize you just wiped something off my boob?
BIL: Yeah well I got a dippin' dot on you.
Me: Umm..on my boob?
BIL: Yeah.
Me: You can't touch my boob, we're not officially related yet.
BIL: You're no LADY!
Me: First of all, I said "related", not "Lady." Secondly, I am so a lady!
Dee: You guys are jacked up.

So after that, we walked around and looked at all the crazy people riding the crazy fair rides. Do they realize these things get assembled and disassembled all the time?? SCARY. I tried to convince them to go on the slide or something. Nope. Not even a game.

Round 3 was the deep fried snicker's bar and the frozen banana. That was washed down with an iced tea.

After spending $100 on food for the four of us, you'd think we would have eaten more, but no. I didn't even get my Australian battered potatoes...