ME: i forget he has a tattooHappy New Year everyone!
CDS: i know, i wish i could too
CDS: i mean, yeah it's kind of cute that it's because his dad told him to always dream big
CDS: but still.
ME: i think it should have been put in a different place
ME: it might have been better
CDS: like over his chest
CDS: ooooh
ME: LOL
ME: or like on the back of his neck
CDS: um, no.
CDS: how would he see it, and remember to have big dreams?
CDS: and please, no across the throat
CDS: a tramp stamp
CDS: hahahahah
ME: oh..maybe near the crotch then
ME: LOL
CDS: ON NO YOU DIDN'T
ME: oh yes i did
CDS: wait. why would he have a tattoo that says "big dreams" near his crotch
CDS: LOLOLOLOLOLOL
CDS: omg
CDS: and why am i waving my hands around like it'll actually stop me from laughing???
Monday, December 31, 2007
iChat iNsanity
Sunday, December 30, 2007
The Arrival of SEM
There was a new addition to my little Trojan Family. At 12:20 am on December 29, 2007, a very healthy 9lbs, 7oz, 22 inch baby boy named Sidney "Cid" Emanuel was born. He is so cute! I want to kiss his little toes and then pinch them! hehehehe. No, I don't want to pinch them, maybe just a little. I don't know.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Santa Bay-bee
The dreams pertaining to a specific someone, have started up again. I thought I said goodbye to those. The only thing I can think to do is just let it happen and not say any thing. It's not my place to. Not with him anyways. In other dream news, someone new made an appearance. I kinda like that.
"Super" and "great" are the words of the moment. I think the lack of sleep is making me strangely bouncy, optimistic, and more random that usual (if that's possible). Having said that, GOODNIGHT! :)
Saturday, December 22, 2007
I made you rice crispys with sprinkles!
*sigh* I don't think I've watched a single movie that has Christmas in it, and none of the shows I watch have a special Christmas episode. The closest thing to a Christmas Carol that I've heard is Be Your Santa Claus by Keith Sweat (okay, it was free on iTunes...umm..I should have passed..its too XXX-mas for me). Okay I exaggerate a little. I have been listening to Dean Martin - Baby it's cold outside. And damn is it cold outside!
I think part of the lacking of the whole holiday feel is that this year we don't have a tree at home. It's sitting in our living room of the Vegas house. This picture from Bella Terra will be my tree. hehehehe.
I'm currently listening to Marie Digby - Bring Me Love. That's all I want for Christmas. Hehehehe. :)
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Did you hear that?
I get there and have to wait. There is no one in the waiting room, and yet I am waiting. Oh well. Then the cutest little boy with a cold comes in with his mom. He's coughing and sneezing and came up to me a few times to say "hi". SO CUTE! He was running around and drops his equally cute stuffed puppy. As he bends over to pick it up, he farts. It was so cute that I could almost ignore the poopie sour milk smell it left behind.
Finally I get in to see Dr. B. We go through my symptoms. He tells me that the last time I saw him was last September with the same stuff. We go through this process EVERY year. Next year when I go see him in October, he will tell me he last saw me in December and go through the whole thing again. :) It's our thing.
He goes to take my blood pressure on my left arm. He sees my USC ring and we strike up a conversation about USC. His son goes there, he's a freshman majoring in Architecture. He's thinking of switching to Engineering. I miss USC. I fell in love with that campus the moment I step foot on it during my senior year of high school. I probably bleed cardinal and gold.
I left there with new allergy medicine, a nasal spray, a refill of my inhaler, a steroid, an antibiotic, and a cough medicine with codeine....
Monday, December 17, 2007
to the left, to the left
It started with the body aches and sore throat. Then came the stuffy nose, the wheezing, the sneezing, and the coughing. Then the phlegm. Who knew it could be..so..colorful...and...thick... The sneezing and coughing is driving me nuts. I've lost two bras to this: 1) Saturday - the left strap broke after a coughing fit, 2) Tonight - the wire supporting my left boob snapped in half after a huge ass sneezing fit. Yes, whenever this happens its always the left side, because after all, its the slightly bigger of the two. (Is that TMI?)
Luckily, all the times that this has happened I have been home. Well..except for that one time on the way to Vegas the seat belt was crushing me. When I went to adjust it, it got caught and the wire somehow snapped. Rusty didn't notice, thank goodness, but I did every time it poked me. That was the longest car ride ever.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
To my friends...
"I Will Be Here" cover by Jeremy "Passion" Manongdo. I randomly came across this dude on youtube..I heart youtube. So good. Me like.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Corina-isms
There are definitely words, phrases, expressions, etc. that I use often. Here are some, but I'm sure there are MANY more:
- "blahfriend" or "fauxfriend" - On the verge of being a boyfriend, but falling short of that status. It often looks like a romantic relationship on the outside, but in reality it was never defined.
- "booty-eyes" - The palest green I've ever seen, the color of your eyes...
- "Bruined" - something that has been ruined because of its affiliation with a cross-town rival.
- "crackberry" - I did not make this one up, but I understand it VERY well.
- "day-th" - Plans with someone of the opposite sex that is not a date. It usually occurs during the day...like lunch.
- "derustify" - The act of going out, having fun, meeting people, in order to get yourself back into the dating "game".
- "fobulous" - Fabulously fob of course!
- "get all 'Emily' about it" - Refusing someone from talking to someone else because they have a history (Think Ross, Rachel, and Emily from Friends).
- "getting fresh" - Granted I did not make this phrase up, but I have been using it a lot lately. I wish it were on better terms, but no.
- "ham-tastic" - a delicious dish that has pork, bacon, or ham in it.
- "happy nappy" - The best naps that last anywhere between 45 minutes to 2 hours. You wake up completely refreshed.
- "hum-min-ah" - The degree and speed at which you say this phrase indicates just how hot that guy over there is...
- "kill me" - equivalent to "I just said/did something stupid" and always pertains to a boy.
- "Lucy" - My sassy alter-ego.
- "meh" - Equivalent to "Just not feeling it"
- "Moanday" - Mondays, they are the worst.
- "ponytail time" - The time of the day when you just have to pull your hair back and forge through the rest of the workday.
- "shirt-fit" - A body that is so fit, that it makes a plain old t-shirt look gooood.
- "slak" - A guy who "Sounds Like A Keeper" in the most sarcastic sense of the phrase
- "super-fabu" - super fabulous :)
- "worry dreams" - The freaky premonition dreams I have about my friends.
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Save a little for me...
I see it. Everyone with his or her someone, and then there is me. I tried. This year, I really tried to move on. I'm still scared. I'm still shy. I'm still guarded. I'm not going back, but I'm not going forward either. I really want to.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Over, under, around the tree
What was the appeal anyways?
Sunday, December 02, 2007
iLiked. iLost. iMiss.
T-A-G-I-K-H-L-H-S-I-N-T-G
Boy, I am so N-T-G...not his anyways, but one day I will be someone elses.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Back to Reality
We accomplished much of what we wanted to in Vegas. Shopping, eating, drinking, gambling, and a little picture taking. I actually had some honest to goodness "happy nappy" type dreams. All my "worry" type dreams took a hiatus and I did forget for a little while...It just made coming back to reality a lot harder.
Oh, I didn't get to wear any of my Vegas Shirts...oh well..we still got an "Excuse me, you dropped your pocket" line from from random kid. We still don't know what that means.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
My VS
OMG I'm blogging at this almost 4 am. Umm..I'm so glad I'm not driving!
I'm not THAT random
I'm going to take a mini vacay in Vegas. I can't wait. It's going to be super-fabulous. I must finish packing!
Thursday, November 22, 2007
My Spoon is TOO BIG!
But most of all, I'm thankful for YOU!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
No Regrets
...the drinking...I am not a super big drinker, I never was. I don't have any "I got stupid drunk and pee-ed behind a tree" stories from high school or "I got stupid drunk and threw up on my roommate" stories from college. My current circle of friends are not big drinkers.
I admit that this year is the year of the drink. This past year, the "might have a drink" became "a will have a drink" if I was not driving. I also started going out every other week with my co-worker to eat, drink, and bitch about work. My mom caught me drinking a beer after work a the two times I actually did that. So now, according to my Mom, I drink too much. Okay, so I drink more this year than I ever have in the past 10 years of my life. So what? Big deal! I'm still responsible about it, I don't come home wasted, I still refuse to get stupid drunk (on purpose anyways). 2 is my max drink limit.
...the disappearing...Okay. After living parent-free for 4 years in a different city, its hard to re-adjust to living with the 'rents again. I seem to recall that after I came home from school, I disappeared on the weekends. Much to the dismay of my parents I would spend my weekends in the IE with my boyfriend. Okay so I know it didn't LOOK good that I would be spending the night there, but it wasn't like he lived alone. He lived at home like me. We had the same sleeping arrangements there as we did when he came and stayed with me and my family. I also called and told my dad that I wasn't coming home EVERY time. Even after 2 years of disappearing, after being with the same boy for 6 years, and being 24 years old, I was still calling home to let them know I made it there and that I was staying the night. *sigh* AND as the oldest, I am of course blamed for my sister having similar disappearing habits, which results in a whole mess of other lectures that I'd rather not start in on....
Now-a-days, I still tell my parents that I'm going out and I have my celly on me if they need me. I may not come home the same day that I left, but I'm coming home in the same condition that I was when I left. There is nothing sinister, nothing wrong, nothing illegal happening when I'm away. I'm not being all slutty or selling drugs. Hello. Have a little faith. I always come back! I'm having fun. I'm going out. I'm being free to hang out with who I want, when I want, without guilt and without the walls of manipulation from my ex-boyfriend.
...the secret boys...So I'm not the most public person when it comes to boys. I don't talk about boys with my parents. I was never allowed to talk to boys outside of high school, let alone hang out or date them. In college I didn't tell them about the boys I met or the boyfriends I had. It took me months to finally introduce my parents to my ex-boyfriend. He was the first and only one of my boyfriends they ever met. That was a total disaster. My mom wouldn't even come out of the car to meet him. She didn't acknowledge his existence for almost a year. It really strained our relationship. (mine with him and mine with my mom) So, I still don't tell my parents about the boys I'm seeing. I don't even tell them about the guy friends I have. Why? Because as soon as they sense there is a boy anywhere near me, they are all up on my case about him. Who is he? Who is he to me? Is it something? Will it become something? ARGH. Lay off already!
Secondly, the boys. I'm still trying to re-establish relationships with boys in general. When I was with the ex, it was very hard to just have friends, let alone have ones that were boys. I was so consumed by him, he was my whole life. Frankly he scared away any boys in my life who weren't related to me. Insecure bastard! I still have a hard time trusting boys. I still feel as though sooner or later they will hurt me, even if they are just a friend. After all, my ex and I started out as just friends and became the best of friends. Until I can trust a guy, they will not be introduced to my family or inner circle of friends.
I know there are a lot of things I missed out on while I was with him. I don't regret it, I can't regret it. That's how that part of my life played out. Don't lecture me on things from the past. I can't change that. I learned so much about myself from that experience. I know what I want and I know what I don't want. Just let me live my life! You have permission to butt in when I'm self destructing, when I'm really hurting myself, or if I'm in danger. I don't see any of that, so let me be! I'm freakin' 27 years old for corn sake!
I woke up and I knew.
I don't know what it is about him. I don't know why out of ALL the people I've met or gotten to know recently, I have my "funny-strange" dreams about. And not in a gradual way like it normally is. It started within a few weeks of just talking in the office. It freaked me out. It still freaks me out. It terrifies me so much so that I've purposefully...well...there are walls and guards and a moat and a fire breathing dragon. I wasn't going to let myself go there.
There have been some dreams throughout the year that have remained unverified. Not all of them have been spot on. But I can remember at least 4 instances that I know for sure. I had the first dream the night of the company X-mas party last year. I had the second the night before his truck was broken into. I had the third the night before he found out he didn't do so well on an exam. I told him about the dreams that night. I thought maybe I was over it because I hadn't had another one for a long ass time. Then I had the forth dream the night before that stuff happened at work.
Okay, I thought no more work, no more dreams. Its been almost two months since that last dream, but now...now this one...If it is what I think, then these dreams related to him will stop. If it is what I think, then he has someone to worry about him. I don't dream about people who are taken cared of. It's not my place to, it actually never was to begin with...I have to keep reminding myself of that. It's going to stop. It HAS to stop.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Always on the Edge...
I wish I was bolder and more confident. I should just take it because I deserve it. I always find myself on the edge of something good..One more step, one more action, one more word, and then I'm there or it's mine. I get scared or chicken out and I back away. I'm still backing away!
Maybe my Moms was right. Ugh. Please don't tell her I said that.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Just because...

Thursday, November 15, 2007
The Happiest of the Happy Nappy
Okay, this blog entry started out as one thing, and now its going to turn into something completely different..
I have been having this reoccurring daydream all day. Each time it gets bigger and more elaborate. Aside from my email escapes, its the only other break I have during the work day. I feel better and happier every time I think about it. Then reality sinks in and I am blah until the next time I think about it. The daydream started last night when Xtine randomly says, "once [he] picked up some food..." and lo and behold it turned into a story with a back story. *sigh* Here is the ever-evolving story:
Boss-Lady has been crabby all day and yells at me yet again about something lame. A developer is breathing down my neck wanting their money that I was with-holding. I receive 2 more submittals on top of the 3 that I am already currently working on. A client calls wanting something else ASAP. Half the staff is out for various reasons like they're on vacation, in the field, or stayed home because it was too windy outside (yes, that was a real reason used by a co-worker and wouldn't you know boss-lady accepted it). Yep. It was another one of those days at work. The only saving grace is that I will be having a nice dinner with my man.
On my way home I receive a text: "I won't be home until late, I'm stuck at this meeting. I'm so sorry baby". GREAT! I get home, get the mail (er bills) and go inside. I pout my way into my pajamas a plop myself down on the couch with my husky, Essie. I fall asleep while watching the Magic Bullet infomercial on TV. (YES! You can make your pesto sauce!) As I'm sleeping, I hear a little bit of a ruckus in the kitchen, but I ignore it. After all, Essie isn't barking so there is no reason to be alarmed.
I feel him kiss my nose, but I don't wake up. I hear him whisper in my ear, "Wake up, baby...dinner is ready..." He kisses my nose again, and then my ear. I still don't wake up. He kisses my neck, right below the ear..and then again where my neck and shoulder meet. It tickles like crazy and I giggle. I sit up and look up at him kneeling there next to me. Without saying anything I grab his hand and give him a look. He looks at me and says, "Okay, 15 minutes..." He settles onto the couch and I snuggle up next to him as he wraps his arms around me. I fall asleep to the sound of his heart beat. We sleep for 2 hours.. hehehehe =)
I think I will continue to daydream and hopefully one day it will become reality. =)
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Crushed
Boys are cute. I like boys. I miss boys. I really, really miss having a boyfriend. So. Apparently Corina likes her boys...a lot. This year, ever since I "woke up", my boy-craziness has gotten OUT OF CONTROL. It so easy to fall in like with a boy...or two..Its the making something of it that I'm having a hard time with. The daydreams, they just aren't cutting it these days. I'm lonely. I wish I could have just said it at the time. I should have expressed how I was feeling before. It never seemed like the right time, and now....well now is the worst time. Its all so confusing. I'm all mixed up.
Boys are cute, I miss boys. I miss one in particular right now...but that changes on an hourly bases these days...
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Widgetmania!
Okay, I've lost it, I just downloaded "Sing that iTune!" It shows the lyrics for the current iTune track. So far, it doesn't seem to know the lyrics to any John Legend songs...how rude!
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Grab a spoon?
Everything is just so confusing. I didn't think I would...you know...so much, but I do. This feeling, it surprised me, sneaked up on me, and now I can't get rid of it. Why? It would all be so much easier if I didn't feel this way...
I just noticed that this was my 100th post! Wowie.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Stop me. I want to shut down.
I hate being the oldest. I hate being a worrier. I hate that I get so involved, so "in it". I hate that I soak up the feelings and environment around me too much. I hate the weird dreams and the hyper sensitivity. Shutting down sounds really good right now, but that's not an option. I need to learn how to be there with out being in the middle of it. Someone tell me how to do that!
Monday, October 29, 2007
Sun Comes Up
Sunday, October 28, 2007
My Five - October Update
1) John Legend *sigh* (his voice makes my toes curl..hehehehe)
2) Scott Foley, call sign "Cool Breeze" (despite that, he's still in my five!)
3) JC Chasez (sorry Justin you've been bumped...again)

4) Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson (hello? need I say anything?? oh yeah, and the lighting is really good in this portrait!)
5) Michael Vartan (broodiness is soooo hot...)

The Game Plan
Earlier last week Xtine mentions that she would see it with me after her husband vetoed it on their list of movies to see. We decided to go today, slightly curious why these boys didn't want to see this movie. We now know why. Barely 1/4 into the movie, I was tearing up. I refused to look anywhere other than to screen for fear that someone would catch me crying. It didn't stop. It got worse. To keep myself from completely balling, I focused on the muscles and tan-ness that is Dwayne...and I did a lot of blinking to keep the tears in.
All in all, it was a very good movie. And no, I was not the only one who cried. Xtine was crying. The lady in front of me was blowing her nose, and the lady next to me was wiping her face quite a bit too.
That reminds me, I have to update my five...again...
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Catching some Zzzzz
This time I was alone in a tiny room in complete darkness. The walls and the floors were covered with thorns or pins. I couldn't sit down, I couldn't lean on the walls. I had to stand and I had been standing there for days. I was trapped and confined. I kept hearing scary noises, like crying and screaming. I started crying in my dream. My mom woke me up before I started crying in reality.
I know what this one means. The worries, its me, its all me. It's because it's so strong, this feeling I'm having. It's so palpable and heavy. It's everywhere, I live it, and I can't fix it.
I'm being dramatic again. This can only mean one of two things...or possibly both...
Saturday, October 20, 2007
The Art of Covering
At first I thought, no one messes with JT, but this version of Cry Me a River is great!
I had wanted to post Marie Digby's cover of James Morrison's You Give me Something, but instead I came across this song. She is crazy amazing and has a good ear if she is able to turn the most random songs into great acoustic versions. I think I like this version of Britney Spears' Gimme More so much better!
Okay I couldn't help myself. This song is so much better sung by a girl. Here is Marie Digby's cover of You Give me Something. Umbrella is still my all time favorite cover from her.
I'm not a big Paula Cole fan, and I don't even really know what the original version of this song sounds like. I don't know if its the lyrics or Katharine McPhee's Voice, but I'm diggin' this song! Also, I get a little bit of the giggles when she says, "I was driving in my car.." and she does that steering wheel motion..hehehe
Covers that put a new spin on the song are great. Here is one I especially like, Before I Cheat by Joe, originally Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood. It has a whole new meaning.
So I had to throw this one in. I LOVE JC Chasez and Tony Lucca! This was the song that pretty much got me hooked on those two. Yes it is from the Mickey Mouse Club...don't look at me like that, you know you watched it too!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Under my Umbrella
Umbrella!
Saturday, October 06, 2007
So Much Missed.
Disconnect/Reconnect
I think you can tell a lot about a person based on who their friends are. You can also tell a lot about a person by who they disconnect themselves from. It's funny how the week I was trying to "e-tox" was the week that several old friends contacted me via email/myspace/text. What the heck?
Wicked
OMG. I LOVED IT! I would totally see it again if anyone wants to go see it! I love the whole theater experience. The dressing up and driving to Hollywood and seeing a great musical! So great! I had to buy the soundtrack, and I've been listening to it practically every day at work.
USC Football
I love my Trojans, but what is going on with them!? The first home game that we attended was the USC vs. Washington State game. So much fun and it was a full house.
Room Organization
I wanted to make room for my new computer. While I managed to clean a lot off my desk and organize my closet, I'm still not finished with all the junk I have. I don't think I ever will be. It's worse than my desk at work.
Devotionals and Church
The spiritual side of me is struggling. I had two fairly decent weeks of quiet time and daily devotionals. When I was disconnecting, I was able to devote a little bit more time to that aspect, however I have not done very much of it since. Since the retreat, I have gone solo to church. I don't mind doing that so much because not having anyone to go with is a lame excuse for not going to church. It's especially true for me, who is a person who occasionally finds herself flying solo to parties and such. I prayed for a few weeks for God to give me the courage to ask someone to come with me to church. I was rejected, but that's okay. It didn't stop me from trying again last week. Spiritual health is very important and at some point he will go back. Until then, it will still be one of my many prayer requests.
Sleep
I slept a lot while I was waiting for my iMac. I knew that once it came I would not be sleeping all that much for a while. I've been averaging 4-5 hours a night. Who knew this computer could do so much! Pictures, Movies, Music. iLove!
So that's pretty much what happened during my brief moment of disconnecting. Now that I have my iMac and my Blackberry Curve, I am finding out that I am much more connected than I was before. The only difference is I am able to practice a little more self-control...at least I like to tell myself that I can. =)
Friday, October 05, 2007
Because there aren't enough.
NEVER...
- Cross the street without looking both ways first.
- Ignore your instincts
- Eat dirt
- Try to fix something that isn't broken
- Email, text, call, or call on someone when you are drunk
- Sit/step on a rusty nail
- Poke a bear
- Come between me and what I want
- Blog while PMSing
- Expect someone to change, because they never will, but you will
- Walk alone at night in a neighborhood you are not familiar with
- Spread rumors
- Eat my chocolate without asking me first
- Make assumptions
- Take pictures without taking off the lens cap or putting film in the camera
- Talk with your mouth full
- Say "Thank you"
- Tell the truth
- Ask me before eating my chocolate
- Let me just cry
- Remind me that its going to be okay
- Have a pen
- Know that I'm here for you
- Drink enough water
- Sing loudly and proudly, who cares if other people an hear
- Understand that I can be uptight
- Sit like a lady
- Say your prayers
- Carry a pad in your purse
- Know that its okay to be silly
- Have music in your life
- Go with your heart
- Be understanding
- Say "I Love You"
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Ano ito?
Although, I used to be very good a pager code... 7317731778312-48111176-70-00-7415? It was easier to do 424-720..hehehehe. OMG, am I totally dating myself by mentioning pagers? LOL. It's so 1996.
So I recently starting looking at my Conversational Tagalog book again. I thought maybe I'd brush up, that way when I fake it, at least it looks real. hehehehe. There are some pretty strange dialogs in this book. For example: "Umiinon, sumasayaw. Pag pagod na ay ngumingiti na lang ako." Which means "I drink, dance. When I'm tired I just smile." It made me smile, so of course I have to use it. If only I knew how to pronounce the first, second, and seventh word in that sentence...
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Unfold
I am LOVING this song by Marie Digby. It speaks to me. I don't know why. =)
Here are the lyrics if you feel compelled to sing along:
what i can remember
is alot like water
trickling down a page
of the most beautiful colors
i can't quite put my
finger down on the moment
that i became like ... this
you see, i'm the bravest girl
you will ever come to meet
and yet i shrink down to nothing
at the thought of someone
really seeing me
i think my heart is wrapped around
and tangled up in winding weeds
but i don't wanna go on living
being so afraid of showing
someone else my.. imperfections
even though my feet are trembling
and every word i say comes stumbling
i will bare it all.. watch me unfold
unfold
these hands that i hold
behind my back are
bound and broken by my own doing
and i can't feel
anything, anymore
i need a touch to remind me
i'm still real..
my soul
it's dying to be free
i can't live the rest of my life
so guarded
it's up to me to choose..
what kind of life i lead.
cause i don't wanna go on living
being so afraid of showing
someone else my.. imperfections
even though my feet are trembling
and every word i say comes stumbling
i will bare it all.. watch me unfold
unfold
i will allow someone to love me
i will allow someone to love me...
love me.. love me...
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
iWorld - iDay 1
Funny thing is that I've already gotten the hang of the iChat. Of course. So much for the disconnecting. Oh well. I knew it was going to happen. =)
It it normal to see an "i" in front of everything now?
Monday, September 24, 2007
iLove!
iLOVE!
Oh...and my "E-tox" (JM, 2007) is officially over. I'm back!
Look for corrections/updates to several blog entries. hehehehehe.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Disconnecting
Don't worry, I am not hiding or shutting out the world. I'm just logging off of AIM, yahoo messenger, and gtalk, and shutting down my computer for a while. I will be checking my personal email, just not as often. Today is the last day I will be on myspace. I won't be blogging, but I will be journaling like I've always done, with a pen and paper. I will have my cellphone on me, I just won't be chatting on AIM, texting, or emailing much there either. I'm still a phone call away, so just call me. We can have a normal conversation where I can actually hear the "LOL" and see the "..."!!!
I hope to see you in reality. =)
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
My Life, My Rules.
Okay. So I tend to have an obsessive nature. When I like someone, I think about them, ALWAYS. If only I can be as diligent about going to the gym, washing my car, cleaning out my email box, or eating vegetables as I am obsessing over some boy. I get it, you're over it. We are all over it, I should be over it and I say I'm over it, but clearly, by the way I talk I am not over it.
Having said that I am slowly compiling a set of rules to keep me in check when it comes to boys. Its mostly to weed out the bad ones to make room for the good ones. Hopefully in the process, I can keep myself from constantly talking about the bad weeds...
My Musts
Yes, I have a list of "Musts". I can hear the boys groaning now. No, there is nothing about appearance or financial stability (although it would be nice if you were taller and older than me and have your shit together when it comes to money). My "Musts" is not a very long list, but in order for us to be an us, you must:
a) Must Be Christian - I was in a relationship with a guy who was Catholic when I was undergoing some spiritual changes. He was not supportive, in fact he was the exact opposite and it hurt. I refuse to deal with that again.
b) Must Want to Get Married - I'm not saying let's get hitched now, but I do want to get married someday. It would be a shame to invest so much of myself into a relationship with someone who has no intention of ever getting married and I don't believe in trying to change someone into marriage.
c) Must Want Children - Again, I don't want to have babies now, but I will one day. This is for the same reason as above.
d) Must NOT be Taken - If you are married, have a girlfriend, or are currently in love with someone else, then walk on by. I will not share you romantically with anyone else. I deserve all of you, just like you deserve all of me.
See that wasn't so bad. If you are all four of those then feel free to move on to the next rule and practice it regularly on me! =)
If you don't have the balls to ask me out, then you're not man enough to date me.
Call me old-fashioned, call me sexist, call me anti-feminist, call me a cab. I don't care. What kind of guy wants the kind of girl who asks them out anyways? Its a little too forward and a little too ballsy for a girl to do so. I'm all about girl power, but when it comes to dating, boys are the pursuers and girls are the persuees. That's the way it's always been, that's the way it's supposed to be. It says so in the bible somewhere.
My face is up here!
Okay so I may have a little extra boobage, big deal. It does not matter how long you stare at them or how much you talk to them, they will NOT talk back. Wanna earn brownie points? Eyes up here Mister. Oh and while we are on the subject of boobage, do not look at other girls' boobage while we're talking. Hello. While it shows great flexibility to be able to turn your head completely around 360 degrees, it's sooo not attractive, not to mention very rude.
Save the games for the court.
I can outline my dating pattern as follows: date for 5 minutes, in a long term relationship for about a year, break up, not date for a year, date for 5 minutes, in a long term relationship for about 6 years, break up, not date for a couple of years, date here, not date, date there, not date... I don't have game, I don't know the rules of the game, I don't want to play the game. Don't fish for an invite, don't manipulate me into asking you out, don't send me mixed messages. If you like me, ask me out. If you don't, stop messing with me.
"I'm Busy"
If you're too busy to make time to get to know me, you're too busy to be in a relationship with. If you really liked me, you would make time for me, just like I would make time for you. I understand that some people are busy, hell I get busy. That's fine, just know that with me, if we keep trying to make plans and you keep saying "I'm busy"..at some point I will hear "not interested" and walk away.
I am not your emotional booty call!
With technology these days, its very easy to be too connected. I am one of those who is one call, text message, email, or IM away. This does NOT mean that I am in any way, shape, or form a booty call, physical or emotional. The emotional ones are tricky, because they come in the guise of friendship, but when you ONLY contact me when you are drunk, lonely, or when there is no one else, I notice. Believe you me I NOTICE. So don't use me like that, you lose a friend and a potential girlfriend that way.
I ain't no holla back girl!
Please work on your approach. Surefire way to get a fake name and number from me is to use a bad line to get my attention. Anything that starts with "hey baby", involves boob ogling, or ends with "sit on my face" are not good ways to approach a girl. A simple, "Hi" works. Not sure if the line you use is appropriate? If you have a sister or best gal pal, how would you want a guy to approach her? Exactly.
Flakes Need Not Apply
1) Be true to your word - If you say you are going to do something, do it. Even with the small stuff.
2) Don't flake out or "forget" - Forgetting is just another excuse. If I was that important to you, you wouldn't forget about me.
The lies and excuses add up. Once or twice on a rare occasion, but if this becomes a habit, then I'm out. It's all about respect.
Are we on a date?
As far as I'm concerned, there is dating and there is hanging out. If two people of the opposite sex are together and the following characteristics are present, THEN IT IS NOT A DATE:
1) It involves an errand of some sort - I'm sorry, picking up dry cleaning or going to Target together does not qualify as a date, you're hanging out.
2) Other people are with you - Unless it's another couple and you're on a double date, if other people are with you, then a bunch of you are hanging out. With enough of you, then its a party.
3) You're unsure if its a date, chances are it isn't - You're hanging out.
4) You are doing the same thing with this person as you would your best friend of the same sex and nothing more - You're hanging out with your best friend of the opposite sex.
5) You arrive there (wherever "there" is) and you split up to do your own thing - You carpooled with you friend and you aren't even hanging out. What's wrong with you?
Same Goes for YOU
There is a difference between not doing something because you can't and not doing something because you won't. I understand the can'ts, we all have can'ts, its the won'ts that REALLY tick me off. Don't ask of me what you are unwilling to do yourself.
Okay that's all for now, I'm sure things will come to me as time goes on so check back on the list often. hehehehe.
Friday, September 07, 2007
My Catalysts
Updated 10/01/07
This was the year of change, but the past few months I've fallen, yet again. Sometime in the spring I stopped going to church, by summer I stopped going to the gym, and since the end of the dreaded "busy season" I've stopped caring about work. All three things were very important parts of my overall growth and health and I just stopped. Why? I believe it is because I lost focus. I got caught up in doing it for me, or for a boy, or for some social event, instead of focusing on HIM!
So then here comes the retreat. The retreat I had known for months that I was going to, the retreat I was soooo not prepared for. The Foundry kids are amazing. They are so filled with the spirit of the Lord in all they do and it's intimidating. Half the people there are in seminary or are heavily involved in various ministries. They can spout out bible verses from memory like I can spout out the lyrics to a Britney Spears song. So here they are with their well worn, well read bibles, and then there is me, 2 years after being baptized, still a baby in my spiritual growth holding my bible that is so under-read that it still creeks when you open it. HELLO! Major kick in my Spiritual Butt!
During the retreat we discussed what it means to love your brothers and sisters in Christ. We cultivated a list of various things that included that one must do to express that love, and they include: listening to them, caring for them, serving them, being giving and encouraging them in Christ, asking and giving forgiveness, and being humble. The one that really resonates in me is that I must be willing to confront them on their sins.
The speaker asked, "When was the last time you confronted someone about their sins?" It had been forever since I have. It's been forever since I've even thought about any sins, big or small. It's probably because I've been committing them myself, so for me to confront someone else about it would be like confronting myself. He then asked, "When was the last time someone confronted you about your sins?" Several people come to mind. They may not all have helped me as a brother or sister in Christ, but each of them have provided insight into some of my sinful and semi-self-destructive behavior in various aspects of my life. Their presence have brought about changes in me. Most likely they have no idea how much my life has been blessed by their friendship, but here I go.
MA - My "God Willing" Catalyst - We were destined to meet you and me, and when we finally did it was like we knew each other all our lives! You met me in the middle of my spiritual transition, when I was still wavering between Christianity and Catholicism. And while I still remain fairly quiet and shy about my faith, you're patience and understanding with me and the struggles I have in my walk is a continued blessing to me. You are my sister and a major source of encouragement. You challenge me in a way that doesn't freak me out or shut me down. I thank you for keeping me in prayer and inviting me to your church retreat every year. Please continue to keep me accountable! My "You're so random" Catalyst - You didn't know the random me, and you have no idea how happy I was when you said that to me. It means that I'm coming back and I haven't lost me.
VH - My "What the HELL?!" Catalyst - You make work fun, despite the you know who doing the you know whats you know when, you know? You make our bitchfests even better! You, my dear, are funny and kind and have taught me that its okay to laugh at yourself even when you trip and fall on your face or walk around with your fly open all day. We get each other's humor, because it is essentially the same! Is it weird? Probably, but who cares right? Thank you for the mini-escapes from work, even though we end up complaining (I mean talking) about work the whole time anyways. Also, thanks to GH for letting me borrow you every now and then to watch movies. =)
SLAK - My "I like you, do you like me too??" Catalyst - I've been in and out of "like" with you forever. You are the very first guy that I allowed myself to fall for after the break-up. You've really tried my patience and confused me to no end with your flirtatious nature and mixed messages. I'm walking away from the possibility. I'd much rather have you as a friend then nothing at all, and while "we" never came to be, at least I know I am capable of having those feelings for someone again.
JM - My "Not all guys are like him" Catalyst - You're right. Not all guys are like him and I must admit that when we first started talking, I had written you off as one of them. No, you are one of the good ones and it freaks the hell outta me how much I trust you. Even those times when I pick fights or push you away, you're still there and you understand that I do it because of past hurts. You're a good friend. Thank you for understanding, always making me laugh, and even for those times you made me cry. Big Girls Don't Cry, even though I know you do...even when you say you don't...you and your sad love songs and youtube videos.** Okay, okay.. You don't cry. You dissipate..which is how you stay silky and clever. hehehehehe. **
OPM - My "I'm the Goddess" Catalyst - I want to be like you when I grow up, 5'8", super skinny, and gorgeous with a husband and baby on the way. For now I'll settle for 5'4", super non-skinny, and busty with the dream of a husband and the hopes for a baby one day. =) You are one of two of my favorite Trojans and I love the many adventures we had at 'SC and the many more we will have together here in the Pink Bubble. Welcome to the neighborhood. It's going to be fabulous! Oh, have I mentioned that I want to live in Woodbury too because of you?! You bring out the goddess in us all with your grown up fabulousness and I thank you for that! **You're right, he is an "almost" and in fact, I'm changing the "A" and S.L.A.K. to "Sound Like an Almost Keeper"**
CDS - My "What did you do?!" Catalyst - You tell me like it is. Your honesty, insight, and the blank looks you give me where your eyebrows go to the sides of your head (aka the "....") are priceless. I love you for that! It keeps me on my toes. You've managed not to kill me, despite the multitude of times I've asked you to after saying or doing something stupid over some boy. My "Daydream believer" Catalyst - You're always there to listen/read as I ramble on and on about my latest obsession, whether it be a hobby, a house, or a boy. My fellow Trojan and now..umm..what is the mascot for IVC? I've been itching to do something since getting out of school (eww that was 5 years ago!) Thank you for taking this photography class with me and being a constant source of encouragement! Next up tap dancing???
Monday, September 03, 2007
Spiritual Constipation
I spent the holiday weekend with one of my bestest friends, MA, in San Diego for the Foundry (20's singles) group from Grace Church. The topic of the weekend was "Koinonia" - the ideal fellowship and community that should exist among Christians.
This retreat was a true blessing and a huge kick in my spiritual butt. I learned so much about myself, my faith, my friends, and my God. I did tons of praying, laughing, crying, singing, playing, and meeting people.
When I have the time to write out a proper testimony to the weekend, I will. I am currently suffering from "spiritual constipation". For now, here are a few pictures from the retreat.

Sunday, August 26, 2007
Picture this...
She's over 20 years old; my mom bought her when the Olympics were in Los Angeles. My brother had poked in the shutter with his baby fingers and jacked it up. We had it repaired in time for me to use it when I started taking photography, and when I became yearbook staff photographer. I thought, great! I can dust her off and use her again!
Nope. She was working absolutely perfectly, until today. Yep. TODAY! The day that I need to use her for my first assignment! ARGH!
So, I went to Target and bought a 35mm Rebel K2 this evening and shot my roll of film. I hope they turned out. *sigh*
This new class is eating into my new iMac fund...Yeah. It's now just the iMac fund. I've dropped the "One day I'll live in Woodbury" and the "I drive a X5" fund. For now I will live in my parent's non-air conditioned home and drive my Mom's freaky hood likes to open on it's own car because she wants to drive Ava. Her car isn't even worth naming...even if it is a Benz. I'm a BMW girl!
Smile. *click* What do you mean I have to wait until the film is developed!? I want to see it NOW!
Friday, August 17, 2007
Pain in the ASSessment District
I quickly made the changes to the letter and emailed it out. She comes up to me 10 minutes later with an envelope full of more work and says, "Penance for earlier" as she hands it to me. She then gets all Boss-Lady and starts yelling at me. Actually It went more like this:
Me: I'm sorry
BL: Why do you lock your computer? No one, except for maybe your sister, locks their computer.
Me: I've always locked my computer, I thought it was company policy to..
BL: I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THAT POLICY. You should not be locking your computer. Who would want to look at anything on YOUR computer?! You are locking the rest of the staff out of your system when you do that!
Me: But I...
BL: And I'm not allowed to ask you for your password. So you should not be locking your computer!
Me: Ok.
I love that Boss-Lady is going on vacation for the next two weeks. Unfortunately, the time before she leaves and shortly after she comes back is hell on Earth. I've been working here for 4.5 years. There is no changing her. She even says, "This is how I am, deal with it". Why am I dealing with it? Every year its the same stuff. Every year its the same projects, the same stress, the same busy season, the same people.
It has to be me. I've changed. I can't deal with this shit anymore. No, actually I can deal with it, because I have been for the past 4.5 years. I don't want to deal with this shit anymore. I'm being careless at work and it shows. I'm frustrated and annoyed. I'm coming in later, taking longer lunches, and leaving work with an armful of work to do at home. Drinking has never been a big thing for me, but this year I find myself drinking more often. In fact, as I write this I am drinking...this Friday, it's just a beer...normally its lots of something with RUM.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
My New Theme Song
So. "Big Girls Don't Cry" is still my song, but I've added another one to the mix. I don't have a video, but here are the lyrics. Whether or not this fits a "pattern", I dunno, but I'd like to think that it shows that I do have some hope that one day that someone will hear me...
Kelly Clarkson - Hear Me
Hear me / Hear me
You gotta be out there / You gotta be somewhere
Wherever you are / I'm waiting
'Cause there are these nights when / I sing myself to sleep
And I'm hopin' my dreams / Bring you close to me
Are you listening?
Hear me
I'm cryin' out / I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd / It's getting loud
I need you to see / I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me / Hear me
Hear me
Can you hear me?
Hear me
I used to be scared of / Letting someone in
But it gets so lonely / Being on my own
No one to talk to / And no one to hold me
I'm not always strong / Oh, I need you here
Are you listening?
Hear me
I'm cryin' out / I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd / It's getting loud
I need you to see / I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
I'm restless and wild / I fall, but I try
I need someone to understand / Can you hear me?
I'm lost in my thoughts / And baby I'm far
For all that I've got / Can you hear me?
Hear me
I'm cryin' out / I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd / It's getting loud
I need you to see / I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me / Hear me
Hear me / Hear me
Can you hear me?
Hear me / Hear me
Hear me / Can you hear me?
Oh, oh, oh, oh...
Hear me / Hear me
Hear me
Monday, August 13, 2007
Fun in the Bay Area
First stop was Pacific beach. We stopped by the Seacliff Apartments where my Dad used to live when he first came to the States. Pretty swanky bachelor pad dad-doo. Next up was the beach down the street. There we decided to try out the "sports" feature on my camera. Here are Diana and Andrew's attempt at doing a chest bump. Well...they definitely made contact...
Next up we drove down to Half Moon Bay. We looked at the little beach houses and the people surfing on the beach. We drove back the way we came and headed towards San Francisco. We took several pictures of the Golden Gate Bridge...here are some of my favorites..
Alex & Janette's Wedding
Sunday, August 05, 2007
OC Fair, Take Two
