The Happiest of the Happy Nappy

That's what I miss, the "Happy Nappy". It's been forever since I've had that kind of nap. I nap now, but its not nearly has comforting and its not nearly as "happy". I miss that feeling of total relaxation, knowing that you are completely safe and taken cared of. I don't get me wrong, I am completely capable of taking care of myself, but the past year I've come to realize just how lonely it is. I want that again, that feeling that I'm being taken cared of, watched over, and missed by someone else. I want to take care of someone else, watch over them, and miss them when we are apart. That want is what is messing with me. I find myself worrying about the people in my life way too much. Part of is it me projecting my desire to take care of someone onto them. I get way too invested, more than I should sometimes. I start having my "worry dreams" that result to sleepless nights or unsatisfying naps. My behavior changes and all of a sudden I find myself taking care of everyone else that I forget to take care of myself. It was the whole reason I made a promise to myself to take better care of myself. It was the reason I bought myself a ring.

Okay, this blog entry started out as one thing, and now its going to turn into something completely different..

I have been having this reoccurring daydream all day. Each time it gets bigger and more elaborate. Aside from my email escapes, its the only other break I have during the work day. I feel better and happier every time I think about it. Then reality sinks in and I am blah until the next time I think about it. The daydream started last night when Xtine randomly says, "once [he] picked up some food..." and lo and behold it turned into a story with a back story. *sigh* Here is the ever-evolving story:

Boss-Lady has been crabby all day and yells at me yet again about something lame. A developer is breathing down my neck wanting their money that I was with-holding. I receive 2 more submittals on top of the 3 that I am already currently working on. A client calls wanting something else ASAP. Half the staff is out for various reasons like they're on vacation, in the field, or stayed home because it was too windy outside (yes, that was a real reason used by a co-worker and wouldn't you know boss-lady accepted it). Yep. It was another one of those days at work. The only saving grace is that I will be having a nice dinner with my man.

On my way home I receive a text: "I won't be home until late, I'm stuck at this meeting. I'm so sorry baby". GREAT! I get home, get the mail (er bills) and go inside. I pout my way into my pajamas a plop myself down on the couch with my husky, Essie. I fall asleep while watching the Magic Bullet infomercial on TV. (YES! You can make your pesto sauce!) As I'm sleeping, I hear a little bit of a ruckus in the kitchen, but I ignore it. After all, Essie isn't barking so there is no reason to be alarmed.

I feel him kiss my nose, but I don't wake up. I hear him whisper in my ear, "Wake up, baby...dinner is ready..." He kisses my nose again, and then my ear. I still don't wake up. He kisses my neck, right below the ear..and then again where my neck and shoulder meet. It tickles like crazy and I giggle. I sit up and look up at him kneeling there next to me. Without saying anything I grab his hand and give him a look. He looks at me and says, "Okay, 15 minutes..." He settles onto the couch and I snuggle up next to him as he wraps his arms around me. I fall asleep to the sound of his heart beat. We sleep for 2 hours.. hehehehe =)

I think I will continue to daydream and hopefully one day it will become reality. =)