It seems contradictory, the involuntary smiling, followed by moments of blue which sometimes turn into uncontrollable crying. I'm breaking away from the old me and moving into something new, something different. I am living. It's terrifying and yet very exciting at the same time.
Did you know you did that for me? You held a mirror up and I saw who I was and who I am now through your eyes. It was like I was in hibernation and I am slowly but surely waking up. I am so thankful He sent you to me when He did. You have no idea how much it means to me, how much you mean to me. I know there were times when I didn't do right by you, when I didn't say what I wanted to say, didn't ask what I needed to. It hurt you, it hurt me, it stifled our friendship. It confused me and messed with my heart and my head. I got attached. I struggled. I didn't handle it well. It was a mess and it still has not fully recovered.
There was a moment today when I just started to ball. Everything inside of me just poured out. You don't understand my crying, you never did, but I was crying for you. I was crying for me. I was crying for things that are too much of a habit to be considered a pattern. I was crying because I was living in a place that didn't really exsist. I was crying because I did it again. I was crying because I finally let you go.
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