Mii Loves the Wii!

We are now the proud owners of a Wii. It's crazy. I love it!

My arm hurts.

Denial is my friend...

If I think about it too much I'll go crazy. So. There will be no scenarios to play out in my head, no hypothetical situations, no "what if's" to consider. I'm just going with the flow and seeing where it takes me...Although, I do know where I want it to take me. NO. Denial is my friend.

Letting go.

So. It's been what? Like 3 1/2 weeks since I proclaimed that "I'm Back!" Of course it wasn't an overnight thing..but a work in progress...and I am still progressing. It feels great! It makes me one busy girl.

I still feel lost in my own space though. I mean, I've let go of a lot of stuff. I'm just afraid that I might have let go of too much. I'm starting to miss certain feelings, comforts, and even certain people (don't worry I don't miss the ex..eww).

With the wall of self-doubt coming down and the boundary issues slowly going away, I'm putting myself out there. I'm exposing myself to the good as well as the bad. I no longer have that protection, that hiding place, that comfort in knowing that I have that wall to protect me from the hurt. It's terrifying! I have to keep reminding myself that while I might have been protected, I was lonely and I wasn't really living.

I'm trying to function without the walls and it's not easy. There are thoughts and feelings constantly whizing in my head. Is this self-doubt a warning sign or me just being insecure? Should I be scared? Am I doing the right thing? It's confusing. I am finding that some of my emotional and thought processes are out of practice. I am so used to being on the defense, that I have to think about my actions and reactions. How strange.

I went to a b-day party last weekend and saw a whole slew of people that I haven't seen in over a year. I didn't realize how much I missed them until I saw them. I was so happy to see them and even happier to see that they missed me too. These people knew me after the break-up, after the wall came up, and they still missed me.

With all the letting go, I've let go of my confusion over him. It looks like I've let go of him too. Why do I feel sad about it?

*sigh*

I stopped wearing my ring. It's way too loose now...Instead I wear my USC Class Ring. You'd think I would personify that imfamous USC Attitude with it on. Nope.

I'm still a pushover.

ugh.

Again..really!?

Why does this keep happening? Yes. No. Maybe. Definitely No. Just a little. Hell No. Ugh.

I think today alone I've been through the cycle 3 or 4 times. hmm...I see there is no Hell Yeah! in there...

Uncertainty seems to be my answer. Any uncertainty means NO, right? I can't think of any time when Maybe = Yes.

No. Definitely NO...but then again...NO its a NO. It's like my allergies, but worse. At least with allegies I can pop a claritin or something. I guess I'll just have to listen to K. McPhee's "Over It" again. hehehehehe...oh man, back to maybe..gotta get listening.

They Do!

Saturday was Christine's Wedding/Really Really Big Party with Vows. I laughed, I cried (on the inside, teared up on the outside), I love every minute of the ceremony and reception. Well every part except the part where I went to sit down and scratched my leg on one of the little twiggy fences in the garden. It wouldn't have been a big deal except for the fact that I ripped a huge hole in my stockings. ah well!

It was a very Christine Affair, right down to the "guest book". Great Job! It was amazing!

Congrats to the Happy Couple! See you and your tan-ness in a few weeks!

shhhhh...

I'm at work..and I am blogging...see what happens when the internet stops working at home for one day?! I get desperate for that cyber connection that I end up doing rere stuff like blogging while at work!

It was wedding weekend. I'll tell ya all about it tonight. YAY!

Smile!

I am very happy to announce that my braces will be coming off on May 1st. Retainers here I come!

Odd what? About who?

Okay. I know I am not supposed to be believing in this stuff, but every now and then I like to look at it and see if there is any connection with what is written and what is actually happening. Here is my horoscope for today:

"Your life needs a bit of a cleanup, but not in the way you might think. The clutter is not in your closets or under your bed -- it's inside your head! You're holding on to a lot of odd assumptions right now, mostly about some people who have entered your life recently. Scrub your memory bank clean,and get rid of all the gunk and dust that is clouding your thinking. Let people define who they are by what they do -- it's safe to let go of your suspicions."

Have you seen what's under my bed? It's scary down there. One good thing is that I found my old capri pants that I ended up wearing to Christine's Bridal Shower. I actually dressed up with a thick white belt to boot! But I digress...

"let go of your suspicions" - How does this person know I have suspicions? Am I being watched? hehehee. I don't want to let go of my suspicions. If I go around all not suspicious then I will get used and abused! I know it! A girl has got to protect herself. hehehehe.

Weirdness...I have been doing the mental cleanup for sometime now. Mostly about old issues, but none the less its getting rid of the shit bomb in my head!

"odd assumptions"..hmm...I wonder who it is that I am having these assumptions about. And why are they odd? Does this have to do with S.L.A.K.? Aren't we soooo over it?

I did my laundry today. I have something else to add to my Loves and Hates list. I hate how I am too guarded/suspicious. I love how I know how to fold a fitted sheet. Random, I know. I told you I was coming back.

...continued to Friday.

So my Case of the Monday's was a week long affair. I just hope it doesn't continue on for the rest of busy season. That would be a lot of Mondays until September. Ugh. Although, if I could have September through March be all Fridays (or better yet, Saturdays) then I could deal with the Mondays for a while...wait, NO what is wrong with me? hehehe.

On Thursday I had printed out my report on the fancy letter head with Friday's date on them so that they would be ready for my boss to sign on Friday. I also printed out the transmittal letter, 11 covers on the fancy color block cardstock, and gathered up all the dividers and back covers for when I bind the reports on Friday. I thought I would be proactive because I new that Friday I would be getting more work in. Also, since my intern, my sister, and Val were all on vacation I would not be getting much help.

Friday came and I gave my boss the report and the cover letter to sign. She reminded me that there was still a questionable part of the report and that she needed to call and verify that we could send out the report. (I had forgotten that she had said that on Monday..err!) My boss tells me to go ahead and start making the copies and binding the reports while we wait to hear from the people. I went up front to drop off the transmittal so that the girls can start getting the labels and stuff ready for overnight.

So there I am making the copies and putting the reports together. It has been MONTHS since I have bound a report. I usually have my intern do it, and before that my sister. I don't mind it so much because it's a nice break from looking at spreadsheets, but my workload has increased tremendously over the past 6 months that I don't have the time to be binding. So there I am sweating and binding, wishing I was confident enough to take off my sweater, hating the fact that I wore knee socks (damn me for being cold in the morning that I would feel the need to wear knee socks to stay warm!) , and cursing myself for not having the rubberband around my wrist that I use to put my hair up in a pony tail.

It took me 3 hours to bind all the reports. I promptly put 9 of them up front to be put in their envelopes and sent out. I go back to my desk to sit down (man was I tired!) and I pull the arm of my chair towards me...only the chair doesn't come towards me. There I am, all sweaty and irritated, wanting to sit down, holding the arm of my chair and watching the rest of my chair slowly spin around. DAMN IT! Of course the arm would come off now! I look to see what was up and realize that the knob used to adjust the chair arm was missing. I didn't see it anywhere on the floor in my cube..and then I have a very vague memory of having a random knob in the box of my stuff from when we moved our office from upstairs to downstairs...but that was 3 years ago! I have no idea where that knob is now! So I switched chairs with one of the empty cubes.

My boss-lady then comes up to me and tells me that its okay to send out the reports because she was able to get a hold of someone. DOH! I had forgotten that I was supposed to hold on to the reports after I bound them! OOPS! Good thing they were okay because I didn't want to have to go up front and tell the girls that we weren't sending them out today after all.

Two big boxes of work came in for me on Friday too. Another 12 binder audit for me to work on. Yay me... *sigh*

At least the Mondays only happen at work. This weekend has been great! Fairly low-key. I got a lot of stuff done for next weekend. I also watched a few movies and caught up with my friends. After a week of phone tag I finally got a hold of Chris! YAY!

Now if I could just get a new cellphone that doesn't drop my calls, sign me on and off of AIM on its own, and actually sends and recieves emails and texts when I send and recieve them, that would be great!