It's been forever and a day since the break-up and I felt oh so over it a long while back. I was taken by surprise at my reaction when I was asked how long my last relationship was and how long ago it ended. I actually felt my tear ducts produce tears and my eyes probably would have completely welled up and I would have shed few tears had I not been wearing contacts (the heat was on in the building and so they were a little dry).
It was just for a moment, but it was long enough for me to think...umm, what is going on with my eyes and why am I reacting this way? And then I got mad, not at him, but at me. I was getting upset because I had a totally involuntary reaction that in no way reflects how I was feeling about him. These tears were coming from no where. My heart wasn't hurting and no emotions or memories were suddenly evoked from the question. My eyes were on their own and were having their own spaz attack or something. That split second reaction upset me and when I am upset I want to cry. I was worried that it would make me look like I am not over it. That was making me more upset and the urge to cry was getting stronger. I didn't want to say anything else because it was getting more and more difficult to keep from crying. The harder it got, the more upset I was getting, and it was just becoming a vicious cycle. I looked ridiculous nodding "yes" when asked "Aren't you over it?" because I didn't look like I was.
I didn't cry. Actually, I should say that I didn't cry until I got into my car. I let my eyes completely well up and then I was done. I think my eyes just having caught up with my mind or heart yet. Or maybe its PMS.
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