What?

Me: Is there a Male PMS?
Dennis: There is NOW..
Me: What?! *giggles*

I can't sleep

I've been having a hard time sleeping lately. Actually, that's not true, I have been having a hard time sleeping for at least a year. The only difference is now I'm having a hard time catching up on sleep. I can't even nap! It's almost 2:30 AM and I'm blogging.

There is too much on my mind...still...even though we had that talk...even though I'm getting caught up with work...even though I've been getting a handle on the studying...My mind just keeps spinning. It's been like this for months.

There was a time when I could sleep. All I had to do was think of you and I knew things would be okay. Now you're gone and it's just me again.

Bad Luck Betty Strikes Again...

This has turned out to be one hell of a week. It started on Monday. Ahhh Monday..Manic Moanday as I like to call it. Then came the dreaded conference call. We managed to rile up the Developer, who in turn will be submitting a butt-load of work. Booo.

Tuesday was..well work was fine..just cranking out all the projects that have come in on Monday...I thought I was in the clear until I went home and started studying for my P.E. Exam. Two chapters into my book on Supply Chain Management I realized that they are referring to the internet and e-commerce and its affects on supply chains as if it was still in a theoretical state. I look at the publish date...1999...great...All my resources are 10 years old. Not a big deal for other engineering, but Industrial Engineering is always changing and improving and evolving. I just might fail...

Wednesday was the worse. In the morning I realize that one of the files I had been working on had been overwritten and I lost one of my tables. Great. I have to redo the data entry and analysis. FUN. Then my boss comes back into the office and asks me I drive her to the airport. I go out to my car..and it won't start...FABULOUS!...I call my Dad, who agrees to stop by after work. I go to start the car..and it starts. IT STARTS! What the heck? Since then no problems..but still...Every time I put the key in I pray that it will start, and every time it starts I pray that I doesn't stop randomly in the middle of the road.

That night I go home and take a super long nap...followed by..well..Status Quo.

Thursday..today...As a result of the week and of the Status Quo...I wake up late with puffy cry eyes. As I am about to head out, my sister calls and asks me to check my bank accounts for my paycheck. It turns out my paycheck was not deposited into my accounts. SHIT. They mixed up accounts and my paycheck was desposited into my sister's accounts. They told her there was a mix up because she had changed to her married name all her accounts and resubmitted her direct deposits. When they went to update it, her new name had not been entered into their system so they changed the accounts that were under her maiden name...only it was MY name. :/ Dang it! I've been living paycheck to paycheck these days. So I postponed a few auto-payments I had set up and we worked it out so that I would be paid tonight. I keep checking it, I got nothing.

All day I kept bursting into tears. I would be sitting there at my desk and then BAM! TearCity. On top of that, I watched my Trojan Boys lose to the Beavers...the Beavers!?..COME ON!

At least tomorrow is Friday and soon the weekend. Here's hoping for a change in luck :)

Slowly unraveling...

I've made a decision. No more of the over-investing. I'm exhausted, overworked, and spread way too thin. I thought I hit my breaking point earlier this year. Turns out that was not it.

I know that it really should not matter, I should keep on keeping on, but I'm tired. I'm tired to taking care of everyone and having no one to lean on or to take care of me. A part of me still thinks that whatever I put out there, I will get back in return. The other part of me is tired of waiting for that return. I'm going to have to accept that it will be just me. That's all I need to worry about now...just me.

My Five Update - With Photos

Okay okay.. here it is...with photos...

John Legend


Dwayne Johnson


Micheal Copon


Scott Foley


Mark Sanchez

I just realized I have a thing for brunettes...*giggles*

Be Specific

My co-worker went to Italy last week. She said that she had always wanted to go to Italy, meet a cute Italian painter who would take her on a ride on his scooter. So in while in Italy, she meets an Italian painter, named Enzo, who takes her on a ride on his scooter. It was exactly what she had wanted, except he was a house painter..hehe...not bad, she just wasn't specific enough..

It was like a scene out of a movie. It was something that could only and would only happen to her. I really need to up the ante on my TTD list when I travel. hehehe.

go 'head be gone wit it...

Last night I had a dream. Actually it was more like a nightmare. I had a dream that this girl IMed me about him. In my dream, I had left my computer on all night and she IMs me all these pictures and transcripts of their online conversations. I wake up the next morning and read through everything. At first I thought it was it was just an IM, but it turned out to be a chat room and he was talking too and it was their conversation playing out in front of my face.

Is this my paranoia f*cking with me again? Or is this a sign?